From: Samantha (samantha@objectent.com)
Date: Sat Apr 20 2002 - 15:09:59 MDT
On Saturday 20 April 2002 04:05 pm, you wrote:
> So, two important questions:
>
> (1) What has/hasn't worked for you in behavioral
> transformation?
(2) What can we do as a group or individually to
> improve the tenor of discussion on the list?
>
Great questions!
Things that have worked to change bad (or sub-optimal) habits:
1) Meditation helps me sit in a different place in my head where I
notice what I am doing, feeling, thinking rather than just being
given by it and totally caught up. This gives me more room to choose.
2) People that will remind me
3) Paying attention to how much it bothers me when I'm on the
receiving end (only works for things I dislike in others)
4) Remind myself that I care more for effectiveness than for the
aggrandizement of my emotions or ego
What can we do as a group or individually to improve our discussions?
1) Most of it is individual - the work we do on ourselves
2) Remember: "You are not the target." Even when someone is saying
you are a real idiot it is usually the case that what they are
reacting to is not precisely you but a whole chain of their own
beliefs and perceptions that have for a moment found their focus in
you and your words. If you can speak to those instead of taking it
personally you will generally be a lot more effective
3) Set some workable group expectations of how we discuss, speak to
one another. By workable I mean ones that we don't quibble endlessly
over and fight about. :-)
4) Always assume the other person cares about many things you do and
cares just as passionately as you do.
5) When some one or some group of people apparently don't care about
something you care about a lot don't assume they are thereby "evil".
Did you always care about the same things you do now or have your
current understanding? Are you absolutely certain your view is the
only reasonable one?
- samantha
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