From: Adrian Tymes (wingcat@pacbell.net)
Date: Tue Jun 12 2001 - 00:56:40 MDT
fdoubt@hushmail.com wrote:
>
> Hi extropes,
>
> Long-time lurker here, in need of advice from like minded people.
>
> I don't want children, my wife has decided that she must try to have one.
> I posted the full story asking for help on alt.support.marriage and alt.support.childfree,
> you can read it here:
>
> http://groups.google.com/groups?hl=en&lr=&safe=off&ic=1&th=320e9f0c0c60256d
> 6
As noted in the thread, breeding is not a problem - especially if you
give any indication that you would be more open to adoption than to
breeding (if it proves to not work out after a few months, you can give
the child back to the orphanage, and no one is permanently worse off;
this option is not available for breeding). The sooner you can close
off that loophole in her mind, the better (IMO), because not breeding
leaves you with ways out. (Though you might want to get a vasectomy
just in case.)
That said, do you have a pet? If not, would you be open to having one?
A number of childless types I know use pets as substitutes for
children, where they know they could never give proper attention to a
human child but can provide for a less needy creature. This may
satisfy her, both by giving her a target for her nurturing needs and a
way to not break her promise. Even if it does not suffice, I strongly
reccomend it before adopting a human child, for it is the closest thing
to preparation for being a parent that I know of that does not actually
involve (and thus, if done poorly, harm) a human child.
Alternately, if she desires children that much, would it be worth
changing her career, perhaps to a daycare worker or teacher? That way,
she could influence many more children than just the one. (Not to
mention help enhance the educational infrastructure, which can aid in
accomplishing most of the within-this-century goals of most people on
this list.)
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