From: Delvieron@aol.com
Date: Fri Dec 03 1999 - 16:59:36 MST
In a message dated 99-12-03 14:41:06 EST, Robin Hanson writes:
<< I don't want to try to tell you how to tell on a case by case basis who
is fooling themselves about what. I just claimed that on average people
in love do systematically fool themselves about several things.>>
If that is all you are claiming, then I would agree that people in the first
blush of romance often do fool themselves about some things. I apologize if
I misunderstood; I had the impression that you meant that most people fool
themselves into thinking that they are in love when they are not. While this
does often occur at the end of a relationship (very similar to the first
stages of grief), I don't think it applies to love in general. Again, I
apologize for the mix-up if I misinterpreted what you said.
<<Surely you are familiar with the standard literary scenarios of the
foolishness of those in love, and those who were fooled by others who acted
like they were
more in love than their later actions suggest.>>
Yes, I am familiar with those and many other standard literary scenarios.
However, just because it is a standard literary motif doesn't really tell us
much about the prevalence of such scenarios in everyday life.
<< I don't really care about you in particular. But there is a vast
literature
saying that lots more than half the population think they are better drivers,
lovers, stock traders, etc. than average. Men tend to do this more than
women.>>
Okay, most people suck at realistically assessing their own abilities. I'll
buy that. The more pessimistic part of the population also tend to think
they are a lot worse than they are really. But the examples you give seem to
me to relate more to what you can do than how you feel, and the distortions
also are more of degree than type. Not many people delude themselves into
thinking they can fly a plane when they never have, though they might think
they'd be better than they would be should they learn.
As for not caring about me in particular, that's fine. But it seemed to me
that you were trying to make your point by specifically referring to two
qualities that I had claimed to possess. As for thoughtfulness and
creativity, I had stated that they were necessary to keep a romantic
relationship alive and well; I never claimed that people were able to
accurately self assess how good they were at these two things.
In summation, I agree that people often have distorted views of at least some
of their qualities, and I further agree that people first in love will often
gloss over problems and those whose relationships are failing often deny the
signs of its failure at first.
Glen Finney
Robin Hanson rhanson@gmu.edu http://hanson.gmu.edu
Asst. Prof. Economics, George Mason University
MSN 1D3, Carow Hall, Fairfax VA 22030
703-993-2326 FAX: 703-993-2323
</XMP> >>
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