From: John Quinley (jquinley@aros.net)
Date: Thu Jun 03 1999 - 17:19:48 MDT
I will try to help, as I think that I am in a unique position, as I am
x-LDS.
>Hello everyone,
[snip]
>One lives here in Anchorage and is a kind and intelligent person who runs a
>party and wedding design business out of her home. Donna is seven years
>older then me and is overweight by thirty pounds (5'3 at 160 lbs.),
>divorced, and has five children, three of whom are still at home and
>elementary school age except for the eighteen year-old daughter who is
still
>at home and dating a guy in the military. She has had a rough life due to
a
>lazy and heavy drinking husband and looks older then she actually is. This
>woman can no longer have children. I do want to have children one day.
>
>Her mother who is in her seventies lives with her. She has alzheimer's and
>is in the advanced stages. But my friend takes care of her without
>complaint.
>
>The ex-husband who is unpleasant and ex-military lives very nearby. She is
>angry with him for not visiting the kids enough. Despite all this I do
care
>for her because she is very caring and amazingly positive about life. Of
>course she is lonely and somewhat desperate though not financially. She is
>open with me and wants there to be honesty between us. But she is clear
>that she wants a boyfriend, lover and eventually husband if possible.
>
She seems like a nice person, but it will be very difficult to go from no
children to 5 children. Also, it will be very difficult for you to be with
someone who cannot have your children, even though you might not think so
now.
>The other woman Becky I have never personally met. She lives in Australia
>and just graduated from college (I am only halfway done). This gal is very
>bright and recently started teaching. My aussie friend is twenty-four and
>stunningly beautiful. When we traded pics she fortunately liked what she
>saw. For a month when we first met we spent tons of time chatting and
>emailing each other. She told me I made her feel like no other man had.
It
>was heaven on earth for me at that time. We are of the same faith
>(mormonism) and this was a major linking factor between us.
>
>One night she implored me to call her up on the phone but I did not because
>I thought for some reason we might not connect as well over the phone.
Also
>I was concerned that we might talk all the time and my phone bills would go
>through the roof bankrupting me. This was such a huge mistake! I should
>have called her up and I dearly regret it now. Right now the two of us
>might have this overwhelmingly strong connection between us had I done it
>than.
>
>She lives with her folks and at the time her family took in a girl who had
>left the Jehovah's Witnesses for our faith. The parents and their
>congregation threw rocks through windows and made threatening phone calls
>without break over the months! Even the police could not get it to stop.
>
Why is this girl not living at home still? I have not heard of many cases of
JW's throwing their children out of the house for becoming apostates, though
I am sure it happens (as it happens with every religion). How old is the
girl? Some JW's, believe it or not, view Mormonism as a cult and may believe
that the girl is being brainwashed and held against her will in a state of
mind-control. It would be interesting to find out more details about this. I
know of a case here in Utah where a convert was counseled to leave her
non-believing parents and move in with a member family (her family lives in
California). She broke off all contact with her parents who were not
'worthy' of such. So these things do happen if one gets involved with the
wrong people.
>So my beloved left home and found an apt. with this girl to avoid the
>craziness. She has no computer so we were cut off from each other. Only
>every few weeks would I hear from her. But she emailed me yesterday saying
>things are getting back to normal and she has access to a computer again.
>But I feel the special connection between us may have been lost. But
>perhaps it can be reignited.
>
>I realize that she is probably out of my league. With her brains and
beauty
>she could have almost any man she wanted. I somewhat did back away from
her
>because I have been rejected by woman before who I was in love with and had
>dated a long time. I did not want to go through the torment of rejection
>again.
>
Well, I have some good news for you. She could have any man she wants, but
she more than likely will want a Mormon man. And there ain't very many of
them down-under. So there's your opening.
>We had originally talked of her visiting me in Alaska or me going to
>Australia but the trouble started and that was at least for than forgotten.
>And also ticket prices are so expensive. But I may be getting a three of
>four thousand dollar windfall soon that could finance such a trip. But to
>blow so much money on a wild attempt to court a gal so out of my league
>seems a waste of money. But I don't want to be an old man regretting my
>never having done my best to marry her.
>
Well, it won't be a total waste if you don't hit if off. You do get to see
Austrailia!
>Here is where I have been a fool and a liar. I told her when we first met
>that I was only twenty-five when actually I am thirty-two! But I am told
>all the time how I only look twenty-five but still my lie was wrong and
>stupid. I just got tired of women in their twenties rejecting out of hand
>because I was so "old!"
>
>I also lied about my weight. I said that I weighed one-hundred and
>seventy-five pounds but actually I only weigh one-hundred and fifty. I
have
>had women mock me for being so thin. She told me she was not perfect
>because she considers her build too thin being five foot six and weighing
>only one-hundred and ten pounds. She seems fantastic to a thin guy like
me!
> I am six foot one and like I said only one-hundred and fifty pounds.
>
Ouch, the lies are going to be hard. You could always tell her that you've
dropped 20 pounds, but that would just be another lie. Before you drop a
couple of grand to get down-under, you should definitely 'fess up. She might
let it go by.
>I should have told the truth to begin with. I never thought I could meet
>someone so incredible on the net so it didn't seem to matter. And here I
am
>barely half done with college if that really. I had a friend tell me I
>should only level with her when and if she gets here. Maybe in person we
>would not click like we did on the net but I doubt that.
>
Are you kidding me! You should 'fess up now! I think she will be pretty
pissed if she goes to Alaska and finds out that you're 7 years older than
you told her!
>One reason cryonics and extropianism appeals to me so much is that I see
the
>unfairness in this world, the highly uneven playing field of life. I want
a
>world where everyone gets to be young, good looking, intelligent and well
>cared for. I honestly believe that a hundred years from now the
>technologies will be here to make that present fantasy an economically
>feasible reality for people. Either through the second coming of Christ
>and/or human technology this world will one day be.
>
Well, that brings me to another question? I became an apostate and atheist
before I got into extropianism. How does a Mormon become an extropian? You
must definitely be an oddity in your local ward! I can imagine that it is
quite difficult finding people in your ward that understand some of your
views. Do both of these women understand your viewpoints on these topics? I
don't know how a Mormon would take the idea of interfering with death by
cryonics. I guess that's one way to ensure you're resurrected :-). Hey, I
can definitely understand casting your bets both on Jesus and Science to
give you immortality (though I'm betting soley on Science). My wife is
Mormon, but I think I can convice her to sign up for suspension in the near
future. I definitely would appreciate your viewpoint on this.
>I just had the misfortune of being born in 1967! But I could have been
born
>centuries earlier and had no chance at all compared to what I have in the
>year 1999. But should I make it through I will appreciate things
infinitely
>more than those born in the easy living 22nd century.
>
Of course, that assumes people will still be 'born' in the 22nd century :-)
>The mating game is so damn hard and painful. I have read about darwinistic
>psychology and it both bothers and fascinates me. If I just had a much
>bigger balance in my "social currency account" I know I could marry this
>wonderful aussie girl.
>
Oh, I'm sure your not as bad off as you think you are. Most people are
average, so there is no reason not to think that you aren't as well. Judging
from your writing, I'd say that you are at least average (except for that
lying thing. Bad boy, no cookie for you).
>I look forward greatly to any feedback any of you may have to offer. I
>really need some advice on these matters. I thank you all for reading
this,
>take care.
>
>Sincerely,
>
>John Grigg
>
Hope I was of some help. My advice summed up: don't go for girl 1. Tell girl
2 your secrets NOW and cross your fingers.
John Quinley
"Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it." ---
Andre Gide
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.1.5 : Fri Nov 01 2002 - 15:03:58 MST