From: Barbara Lamar (altamiratexas@earthlink.net)
Date: Tue Jun 12 2001 - 15:26:54 MDT
-----Original Message-----
From: owner-extropians@extropy.org
[mailto:owner-extropians@extropy.org]On Behalf Of hal@finney.org
<There are several aspects to having kids which are positive.>
Hal has said this all so beautifully. I'd like to add that my child-rearing
experience bears out every nice thing he wrote.
< historically many children have
had most of their attention coming from their mother.>
Even for the mother who's providing most of the attention (which was true in
my case, as I was a single mother for most of my daughter's childhood) it's
possible to structure one's life so that childrearing is fun rather than a
burden. In my case, I quit doing "regular" work and built a cheap house in
the woods where my daughter and I could live on almost no money. I've still
had ample time to read and learn new things--far more than the average
person I'd say.
< Children can help to ground your activities
by reminding you in a very direct, emotional way that there are future
generations whose welfare will depend on your activities.>
Not only this; if you pay attention, your kids teach you a tremendous amount
about yourself and life in general. For everything I've taught my daughter,
she's taught me at least as much in return.
<Your children will share your genetic heritage.>
My daughter and I were recently laughing about this. Almost everyone we meet
comments on how much we look alike (even strangers sometimes come up to us
mention this). Yesterday my daughter said, "It's hilarious, Mom. You made a
copy of yourself." Well, not an exact copy. It's been fascinating to watch
this variation on a theme unfolding over the years.
< You may
well find that your children will share your views and perspectives as
they grow older. They can even help you with your causes.>
Now that she's almost grown, my daughter helps me at least as much as I help
her. She shares some of my views and not others; the most important thing
far as I'm concerned is that she thinks things through for herself.
<If you do go through with the decision to have children, whether it is out
of love for your wife or for any other reason, I would encourage you to
make your children aware of your ideas from the youngest age.>
Yes. Kids can not only learn your ideas but add to them and help you clarify
them. My daughter has never let me get away with sloppy thinking!
< Don't teach them that they are going
to die, teach them that someday, hopefully soon, science will advance so
that no one has to die any more, but that some people don't like science
and Daddy has to work hard to make sure the scientists can do their work.>
And if you're a mother, show your kids that, cultural norms notwithstanding,
women are strong and intelligent. One of my favorite memories is of the time
my daughter had a nightmare. She was seldom bothered by nightmares when she
was little, but one time she had this dream about a killer monster. Everyone
was scared of it, running away, trying to hide from it. Mom (that's me :-)
went out and killed the monster and cooked it up for dinner, so the dream
had a happy ending.
<We have a stereotype of teenagers as being rebellious and contemptuous>
Doesn't have to be that way (I can show you living proof). Sure, kids begin
to want independence. You'd worry if they didn't. But rebellion and contempt
seem to be responses to structural problems in the culture rather than a
normal part of growing up.
I say: if a person wants kids, has a sense of humor, and is laid back enough
to be somewhat flexible--go for it! Motherhood has been an overwhelmingly
positive experience for me.
Barbara
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