From: john grigg (starman125@hotmail.com)
Date: Mon Sep 06 1999 - 16:27:11 MDT
Hello everyone,
This post by Greg Burch commenting on what Robert Bradbury wrote really hit
me hard as I explain below in detail.
>From: GBurch1@aol.com
>Subject: Re: understanding neuroscience
>In a message dated 99-09-01 14:51:58 EDT, bradbury@www.aeiveos.com
>.>(Robert J.Bradbury) wrote:
>Its fascinating to me to observe what happens in my mind when
> I enter a church. All kinds of old feelings, beliefs, memories
> come bubbling up from the basement of my mind. I normally
> rarely think about these things, but I have no doubt that
> many of my early beliefs (Catholic) are still part of my
> programming. As the years go by, probably because I don't
> think about them much, the memories do seem to fade.
The same sort of thing will happen to me from my own Catholic upbringing,
especially if I encounter the full blown "Magic Show" (as I used to call the
Mass when I was an altar boy); it's almost like some kind of weird drug
rush.
(I attend the mormon church and though despite some doubt I do believe. I
found myself hit with a wave of powerful emotions as a young and attractive
woman teaching a lesson on the eternal nature of the family gave her
personal testimony that those things were true and very important to her. I
actually thought to myself how she was the woman I should go after and marry
despite the fact she is only nineteen. Later I thought how despite my
feelings and possible courtship she would probably wind up not with me even
after much gentle effort. But stirring courtships are the stuff of legend
and I have been told these by various places affecting my life. I rushed
out afterwards telling her how touched I was by her remarks. Partly to
impress her yes but also because I was.)
Interestingly, the memories don't fade for many people, but just go into a
dormant state. I think a big part of the resurgence in religious fervor in
America now can be attributed to the reactivation of religious memes
implanted in childhood among the Boomers by life situations they're just now
encountering: Parenting and middle age career and physiological stress. A
whole panoply of programming was implanted in them, just waiting to be
activated by these predictable events in the stages of a typical human life
(As I get older I feel a stronger and stronger tug to fully go back to my
mormon roots. I have some problems with various matters of history and
doctrine and yet overall I love the people(my tribe) and the binding social
concept of eternal families. I can understand about the reactivation of
religious memes! We had a lesson in one class on to be honest not just
living a balanced life but "not shaking the boat" and the indirect message
bothered me. I looked around wondering how many others felt the same way.
And yet as the speaker had tears in his eyes expressing his love for us all
and God which was throughout his lesson I felt choked up and very affected.
And yet a part of me was detached and wondered how much of what I felt was
truly the spirit of God and how much was simply human emotion. I know the
speaker was sincere in his motives at least.)
(I need so badly the love and support of my group and yet I want to still
think critically. I feel torn inside sometimes so badly you could not
imagine. Being around extropian memes have affected me somewhat but these
thoughts arose before I even knew of this movement. I have few doubts about
the existance of God or an afterlife but human institutions can be
troublesome even when I believe they are inspired of God. I have heard some
of my top church leaders; especially some of the younger ones try to address
this issue and in some ways have done well in my view. My church in the
sociological perspective has evolved over the years in adapting to the
society around it.)
(I have studied in college the sociology of religion and can see things in
that context. And even then I see how at least for some like myself
belonging to their religious group is so important. It is an extended
family that can nurture and provide in so many ways. I do not feel a
hypocrite for wanting to stay in my church for I do believe in it overall
despite some misgivings.)
(I have not yet signed for cryonic suspension but probably will down the
road. Even with belief in an afterlife this is what I know right here and I
did not get the life I wanted though many people could say the same.
Clinical depression, a.d.d., and learning disabilities along with poverty
and an absent father did not make for the life I wanted. My learning
disabilities have so far even stopped me from getting a driver's license to
my great shame. My local voc rehab is not even willing to help me to the
extent I need to get a license.)
(I know there is much here and now I can do to improve things and yet I want
to see "over the horizon" and partake of the wonderful future we may have.
But the human lifespan is just too short so cryonics will get me where I
want to go. Some have said I am hedging my bets and I suppose I am. If the
fundamentalist view of Bibical prophecy is correct though we are all in for
it!! My suspended body would not last through all of that! The singularity
will come in the form of an armageddon with the very technologies we
discuss; but time will tell.)
(I suppose if I felt my "needs were met" I would not post here. I feel
somewhat ashamed admitting my doubt and torment. Much of it stems from not
having a mate and so not being "happily locked into" my faith. Perhaps I
should not have posted this but I felt the need. I want to look back a
hundred years from now and have a feeling of contentment that I made it
through my youthful trials in one form or another. I thank you all for
bearing with me.)
Sincerely,
John Grigg
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