From: john grigg (starman125@hotmail.com)
Date: Tue Jul 20 1999 - 19:19:25 MDT
Hello everyone,
I have been fascinated again by the thoughts put forth on how females choose
their mating partners whether for short or long-term. I find the Mr. buns
vrs. Mr. brains argument intriguing though like some have said I think what
woman want and what the attractive and intelligent women get is a man with
both qualities!!! I know for this as a a fact having heard the want from
"alpha female" of having "alpha males" who in both ways have the right
stuff. Many of the true alpha males of course want to play the field and
not settle down! And so I hang around alpha females who will date me but
not commit while they whine about not having "full access" to an alpha male.
Women have really caught on now more then ever that brains combined with
some ambition make for a man who can make life more pleasant for them. Of
course some females (and males) are forced by their own limitations to
settle for 'second best' in terms of brains and/or looks. The human mating
game is a cruel one to be sure. Well, this goes without saying.
Certainly though a person can do a great deal to make themselves more
attractive to possible partners by getting a good education, being
physically fit(so simple but so many are over-weight and out of shape),
dressing well and having a sense of self and goals. Of course this is all
easier said then done and we are still hemmed in by limitations depending on
who we are and the luck of the genetic dice.
My bestfriend's father gave me excellent advice years ago that I did not
appreciate till recently. He said that women would in their teens and early
twenties go for the charming and handsome jerks but at least some of the
women would wise up and see that a good man with a decent job was more
important then being with a charming rogue who would eventually wipe their
feet on them. Of course some women never learn but neither do some men.
He said that I just needed to set goals and be headed in the right direction
in a way that women could see I was headed somewhere good and that would
attract them. The analogy is that of "not rocking the boat" for women but
instead staying on course for your goals and letting the quality women come
to you. Just keep your cool man! But it is easier said then done!
At age 32 I am only half-way done with my degree and do not always heed my
own advice. I find women I am attracted to can really fry my brain and
heart. I just crave the companionship and love of a good woman so badly.
But I do not want to jump into a bad relationship either so I bear the pain
quietly. I should have gotten my degree years ago but laziness, learning
disabilities, a.d.d. and depression helped to prevent it. I thought why
bother getting a degree if I have no driver's license due to learning
disabilities? Many years have been lost but hopefully my degree, future
career and marriage will be all the sweeter due to the wait. I feel the
time swiftly going by and do not want to hit 40 not having achieved my
goals. I want a wife and children by then.
Last night I called at a $42.50 cost (expensive for me-calling card) an
aussie gal I care about who went in for surgery today. I consoled her and
tried to cheer her up. We have been email pals for six months now but the
romantic bond once there has faded. I tried over the phone to reconnect
with her in a moment of fear for her.
The problem is she is done with her degree and just started teaching. I
have a ways to go and I am poor and not a driver even. She is beautiful,
smart and educated so when in October she travels to Utah where she would
like to settle it will be a feeding frenzy for the guys there to try to gain
her favor. I want her to visit me and she said she and her female
travelling companion might but only after they have already been to Utah a
month. That is too much time for her to meet another.
I have two big regrets about her. One is that I lied to her about my age
saying I was 25 instead of an 'old' 32! I know I must level with her but
have not and that may derail everything. But I must do it. And I should
have phone called her every week starting the first week we 'hit it off' and
she implored me to call her up!! A powerful bond could have been forged
between us by doing by my calling her up once a week but the possible cost
and my lie kept me from doing it.
But now I am doing it and I will play this out to the bitter end. There are
other women in my life both on the net and in the 'real world' but I had my
heart set on Becky. I have had my heart ripped out of my chest and stepped
on before so I will most likely survive.
Perhaps this makes me 'unfit' along with my l.d. but my depression hits me
hard. I hope when I go back on a brand I think will do the job I will be
able to gain the joy and strength that I presently lack in my life.
I wish you all well. I look forward to any comments anyone might have.
What I read on this list often thrills my heart and mind. Take care
everyone!
Sincerely,
John Grigg
_______________________________________________________________
Get Free Email and Do More On The Web. Visit http://www.msn.com
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.1.5 : Fri Nov 01 2002 - 15:04:31 MST