From: brian keavey (bk_2112@hotmail.com)
Date: Tue Jul 20 1999 - 13:47:17 MDT
Hey Nanogirl,
Hmmmm....you want me to be your loyal, devoted servant for all
eternity, catering to your every whim, ministering to your every fetish,
undoubtedly committing numurous acts repulsive to any decent sensibility?
WAY Cool!!! (I always like to keep a respectful distance from "decent
sensibilities" anyway- several megaparsecs is about right:-)
I just have a few minor questions:
1. When you promise to make me "immortal" are you referring to:
mere removal of aging/disease; basic uploading; uploading with
copies;uploading with self-updating&replicating copies; assigning me
my own nested hiearchy of basement universes for archival
storage/processing; or what?
2. Do you require the avalability of my undivided person at all times, or
could my seperately instantiated subpersonas be on duty in shifts? If the
latter, how many would you want, on average, at any given time?: a. 1-1000;
b.1001-23000; c.23001-10**12; d. 10**12-10**10**100; e.
>10**10**100
3. Are my couterparts in parellel universes also bound by this agreement?
What about my analogs in other times?
4. If some of my instantiated subpersonas depart the solar system at a
velocity that precludes realtime interaction, is this automatically
considered a breach? or can the satisfy the contract by taking emulations of
you along?
5. Is any part of this contract foreseeably likely to involve substantial
self-mutilation, self-modification, self-transcendance, or recursive
self-contradiction?
6. According to the contract, it is enforcable in a "court of law".
Does this refer to common, napoleonic, admiralty, statute, canon, maritime,
space, equity, contract, natural, polycentric, international or scientific
"law"? And, whatever type is chosen, what procedure is there to prevent
mentally constipated geezers(of any age or gender)
whose chief claim to distinction is being able to continually & phonetically
fart through their windpipes, from passing themselves off as "judges"?
7. Does the "any specified time" rule apply to alternate timelines?
8. Is failure to invent time travel and thus observe the terms of the
contract before signing considered a breach?
9. In the event of time dilation, suspended animation, paratime abduction,
or other such eventuality, how is the differential in timeline between the
parties to be resolved?
10. Is indefinite, infinite, transinfinite or omegan duration being
promised?
11. If the party of the second part divides for any reason into differential
subpersonas, xoxes, parellel competing Exes or other such
multiple entities, how are competing claims for the services/attentions of
the party of the first part to be resolved?
12. Do you possess adequate, verifiable Temporal Liability Insurance to
cover the possibility of your being in any manner and from any cause unable
to perform as stipulated?
13. There have been many unverified, anecdotal reports of a metaphorical
being making similar offers, only to default in some imaginative manner once
the contract was irrevocably signed. This being, known as the devil(aka
satan, "prince of darkness", baal, beelzebub, antichrist, & William Gates,
Sr.) appears to operate an enterprise using the tradename "Hell", which has
been variously alleged to be a closely held corporation, a holding
company(pending conversion to a going concern at some future date known only
as the "end times" & allegedly the most jealously guarded trade secret of
the devil's chief metaphorical competitor), or a nine-level MLM (alleged by
an obvious nut case who claims to have recieved a personal guided tour of
all three of the largest direct competitors in this industry). Are you in
any way connected with this enterprise? & are you willing, in view of the
bleak record of contract compliance in this field generally, to post a
reasonable performance bond to insure compliance? I estimate
something in the range of 15-20GSEs(galactic superclauster equivalents),
posted with any reputable arbiter, should do it(however,the amount is
negotiable within reason)
Well, that does it for now. Looking foreward to doing business w/ you
for quite a while to come:-)
-
Brian Keavey
<bk_2112@hotmail.com>
<http://members.tripod.com/~bk_2112/>
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