From: Dave Hall (davehall@dbn.lia.net)
Date: Wed Mar 03 1999 - 14:00:03 MST
This was posted earlier in a different list (memetics) as *humour*. I fixed
the 97 spelling errors in the original, though it was sufficiently well
received to provide the confidence to take the piece a bit further. So here
I'm presenting it as both "HUMOUR: Memetics out of Control" and "ECON: Are
we ready for hyper-economy?". I'm a new poster, hence the introductory
stuff.
It could also been seen as a "what if?" scenario to force some consideration
of what one would if (or when) an entity, the rapildy figures out how to go
hyper-economic. It is not difficult for me to imagine a new future where
bored billionnaires actually buy a space ship and head off the Mars to lay
claim to it. Who will be the neo-Luddites then? It is not hard to imagine
the flood of posts to this list, calling on the Them and They to fix the
problem.
The scenerio below is, of course, entirely fictional, so anal retentive
dissections of each sentence are a waste of words. FWIW I invent & develop
software products to scratch out a living. I don't work for Microsoft or own
any Microsoft stock, though like any sane software/knowledge age
entrepreneur, I'd gladly take their stock in return for giving them my
products.
-------------------------------------
How would we cope with some entity going hyper-economic? <in the next few
years>
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------
Bill Gates, realising the US Government is going to win it's anti-trust case
against his first cot, Microsoft, has retreated into the depths of the
Microsoft Kingdom, to reveal his Ultimate Master Plot directly to tribal
chieftains, the bizarre <mental> mating of people otherwise known as product
and program managers. A plot planned very carefully from the very beginning
... to throw his "Toys Out of the Cot" and become the world's first
TRILLIONNAIRE! Finally convinced by one of his original technical advisors,
Richard Brodie, now best-selling author of "Virus of the Mind", that
*self*-replication is the key to survival and MLM is the business model of
the future, the Real Mother of all Battles for Total World Domination is
about to begin.
At the stroke before noon, April 1st 1999, Microsoft Corporation fully
intends to have the last laugh of the century. Literally. At the press of an
email Send button, Microsoft will instantly and electronically fragment into
hundreds of product oriented companies, and immediately publicly list *all*
of them simultaneously on *all* electronic stock exchanges. Day traders
will be given *free* (local call rates do apply) "Microsoft Trader" software
to assist them in drumming up the price with automatic trades. Wizards are
available to those new to the process. Free $1000 trade-fee discount
coupons will also be provided, the first 100 trades being totally *free*
(though ad supported).
Co-branding opportunities with Schwab and e*trade will of course be
exploited ensuring that other suckers foot the cash outlay bill. To prevent
the Internet from grinding to a halt at the moment of climax, traders eager
to make a killing real quick can order time activated CD-ROM's that will
give them a time advantage over later purchasers. Downloaders won't stand a
chance. The CD-ROM is immediately available from every chain store in
existence for only $9.95. Wal-Mart, who paid the most, are selling special
edition copies with a full 3 second advantage over competing retailers. A
3-for-1 stock split is expected to be announced for most entities by
mid-afternoon.
Companies will trade as, for example, Microsoft SQL Server Inc.,
Windows3.1 Inc., Windows95 Inc., Windows95a Inc. The FUD office bundles,
having effectively beaten the daylights out of everyone already, will be
*unbundled*, there will be no Microsoft Office, only Microsoft Word Inc.
Microsoft Interactive Barney Inc. is expected to be a huge hit amongst the
younger day traders as is the company that sells that weird kid's mouse
thing. Empower the consumer! We all know what the Jesuits says about kids
up to the age of 7. The $12b (or so .. give a take a few billion) cash
stash currently in the bank will be divided fairly amongst the few hundred
clones to spend on "stuff". In the interest of personal health and safety,
a limit has been set on the number of Jolt that can be purchased per day.
All spun-off companies will receive copies of all source-code. Specially
developed automated negotiation systems have been developed to ensure smooth
trading transactions between the hundred companies. Access to the
code-sharing service is being offered to the Open/Free Source community for
only $1,000 subscription per annum, or $10,000 if you want it all on CD-ROM.
Documentation and support is a little extra. SQ., please ask your "server"
for assistance.
At least for the foreseeable future, all teams will remain in their current
geographic domains, Bill Gates, the generous philanthropist that he is, has
purchased the Redmond campus for an undisclosed cash amount and donated it,
appropriately, to the Gates Learning Foundation. Companies have reportedly
already signed lease and maintenance agreements to minimise the potential
disruption.
In an effort to keep those consumers most carpetbagged by the proceedings of
April 1st happy, and grinning from ear-to-ear with all sorts of free stuff,
Windows2000 beta SP-2a Inc. will publicly list on the 2nd of April. The
first 10m downloaders of the 163Mb install package will receive a free share
in the company, and a special discount on a hamper of Microsoft goodies,
otherwise available only through the official Microsoft store in Redmond.
"Microsoft Trader" is expected to be bundled with the product, all company
clones reserving the right to bundle whatever innovations they want and can
get their hands on for a fair price, usually nothing in this marketplace.
What happens to Bill Gates? Well whip out your copy of Microsoft Excel and
work it out. 100x3x$80B isn't too shabby for a days work these days. His is,
after all, the "best job in the world". A special web site,
HowRichCanBillGetonApril1st.com has been prepared to enable novice
"knowledge age" punters place bets on various guesst submissions. It is
reported, that having finally completed his work at http://www.microsoft.com
(has anyone checked to see if they're all still all in Redmond or whether
they've perhaps leased an otherwise mothballed US Carrier Group and taken a
very slow boat to China?) Bill Gates intends to pursue various personal
hobbies. One new found passion is mass producing space satellites, picked up
from buddy and co-founder of Teledesic, Craig McCaw. A 4,000 satellite
launch to secure mining rights on asteroids is not out of the question when
you have $1T to spend. The slogan for the vision is "A Portal into every
Asteroid".
Great software is all in the mind.
Dave
[Durban, South Africa]
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