From: Terry Donaghe (tdonaghe@yahoo.com)
Date: Fri Jan 15 1999 - 11:29:29 MST
Well, being an *actual* redneck myself (hell, I grew up in Vicksburg,
MS - the Gibralter of the damned Confederacy!) I did this just for the
hell of it. ;)
---"Michael S. Lorrey" <retroman@together.net> wrote:
>
> Terry Donaghe wrote:
>
> > Ok, so I'm really bored this morning - SUE ME!
>
> As I assume that this is mainly directed at me, I'll try to respond.
I think its a pretty funny bit, but it is close
> enough to home that I can't fail to respond as if its a logical
argument. - ML
>
> > *******************************************
> > The Extropian Redneck:
> >
> > The Redneck Application of the 7 Principles of Extropianism:
> >
> > 1. Perpetual Progress - "I want to kill more deer. To do so, I will
> > become a smarter hunter - ever increasing my deer hunting skills.
If
> > I live indefinitely, the number of deer I kill will increase. I
will
> > seek to remove all obstacles standing in the way of killing more
deer
> > - be they political, cultural, biological or psychological."
>
> You automatically assume that I find utility in killing MORE deer
per unit of time. This is an unjustified and untrue
> assumption. I may seek to increase my deer hunting skills by making
it more difficult for me to kill a deer, say
> eventually I may only do so with bare hands, or that I must kill
from beyond 1000 yards, or be within 10 yards, etc.,
> which would obviously reduce my overall deer kill rate.
>
Actually, I'm assuming that a true redneck wouldn't be able to tell
the difference between quantity and quality of dead deer. More dead
dear = good.
> >
> > 2. Self-Transformation - "I also want to drink more beer. I affirm
> > that I will direct my entire being to transform myself into a more
> > efficient beer-drinking person. Through critical and creative
> > thinking I will become a better beer drinker. I will explore
> > biological and neurological augmentations that will allow me to
> > consume ever-greater quantities of beer."
>
> You again assume that the unit of improvement is quantity. I
actually prefer microbrewed beer, for the taste. I tend to
> drink less these days than in my Coors and Miller funnel chugging
frat boy days in college....
>
Again, to a redneck, quantity of beer is the important thing. Most
rednecks wouldn't mind have an infinitely filled keg grafted onto
their back with a hose running directly into their mouth. Nevermind
the taste, or sensation - it's fun to puke in the back of your truck!
> Try to imagine that you are talking about a Californian instead of a
redneck:
> 2. Self-Transformation - "I also want to drink more wine. I affirm
> that I will direct my entire being to transform myself into a more
> efficient wine-drinking person. Through critical and creative
> thinking I will become a better wine drinker. I will explore
> biological and neurological augmentations that will allow me to
> consume ever-greater quantities of wine."
> This is obviously inaccurate, as the goal will be to be a more
discriminating and capable wine connesseur, the goal of
> which would be to drink BETTER wine, and have better taste in wine.
Well, to a redneck, wine is kind of like holy water to a vampire
(unless we're talking Mad Dog 20/20)... Just the thought of wine
pisses off a redneck...
> >
> >
> > 3. Practical Optimism - "Life is great. I know I will continue to
> > have more and more opportunities to drink beer and kill deer."
>
> As far as the utility value of each permits... yes
Remember utility = quantity
>
> > 4. Intelligent Technology - "There must be some way to applice
science
> > and technology to enable me to consume more beer and kill ever
greater
> > numbers of deer. Perhaps a new laser equipped, satellite enhanced
> > site for my rifle, neuro-implants to sharpen my vision, and a
> > mouth-widening operation to allow me to drink two bottles of beer at
> > the same time. I refuse to see technology as an ends to itself, but
> > more as an enabler to allow me to further my redneck goals."
>
> excellent.... ;)
>
> > 5. Open Society - "I support social orders that promote freedom of
> > rifle ownership and deer hunting. I oppose authoritarian social
> > controls which ban the drinking of beer, even on Sunday. I prefer
> > bargaining over battling, exchange over compulsion, and serious
> > hunting over spotlighting."
>
> > 6. Self-Direction - "The woods over over yonder, my rifle is right
> > here and the cooler's in the truck! All set!"
>
> > 7. Rational Thinking - "I know that without hunting, the
population of
> > deer will skyrocket, and while large numbers of deer make for a
target
> > rich environment, too many deer will cause starvation which may lead
> > to extinction of deer population in certain areas, perhaps including
> > the Skunky Bark Huntin' Camp. The more accurate my rifle site is,
the
> > better shot I will become, thus increasing my hit to miss ratio.
Beer
> > frees the mind from worrying about the wife, twelve kids, six dogs,
> > leaking roof, the Trans Am on blocks in front of the trailer, and my
> > current lack of employment. Budweiser is indeed, the king of
beers."
>
> This is all very funny. I love it. I think I'll post it up at my
hunting cabin (called the Steel Gate Camp).
>
>
Cool, then you'll see some head scratchin' in addition to the butt
scratchin'.
Yee haw!
==
Terry Donaghe: terry@donaghe.com
My Homepage: <http://www.donaghe.com/terry.htm> - Recently Updated!!
Also: <http://www.donaghe.com> - See the REAL dancing baby
Visit The Millennium Bookshelf: <http://www.donaghe.com/mbookshelf.htm> Prepare yourself for the next age of mankind!
_________________________________________________________
DO YOU YAHOO!?
Get your free @yahoo.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.1.5 : Fri Nov 01 2002 - 15:02:50 MST