From: Ken Meyering (ken@define.com)
Date: Sat Dec 12 1998 - 22:26:28 MST
Michael Lorrey <mike@lorrey.com> wrote:
> How about an optimistic conspiracy for once? How about that the
Gates's
> have a vaccine supplier that produces a vaccine which includes a
virus
> which increases people's intelligence.....
Well, if we look at the animal kingdom as a living, intelligent
being, then culling the human species would actually seem to be an
intelligent "optimistic" conspiracy.
>From the perspective of an elephant in Africa, the world would be a
much better place without all the ivory hunters. Better to get them
inoculated with sterilizing/radioactive isotope tags/genetically
engineered germs that spread over the cerebral cortex like two-way
ipng slime/smallpox vaccine.
>From the perspective of grey whales and dolphins, it would be an
optimistic conspiracy theory to think of a Microsoft Excel
spreadsheet linked up to a bunch of stealth blimp mounted high energy
lasers, running down rows, watching all the whale hunters turned into
puddles of boiling grease (not unlike Farmer John's bacon, in your
local Denny's).
Which brings me to optimistic conspiracies from the perspective of
slaughterhouse pigs, sheep, beef, and chickens. They might prefer
something less than instananeous: no oatmeal flakes, coffee grounds,
puddles of blubber, piles of ashes, or puffs or steamy red mist.
They'd probably prefer to set the hack pattern plane vectors on
something like finger joints, wrist joints, elbows, shoulders, with
.5 second delays between each. Then toes, ankles, knees, with .1
seconds between each.
Have you ever been to a slaughterhouse? Interesting spectral
analysis could be performed on the cries from the soon to be Big Macs
and Quarter Pounders w/cheese. Moooo, bahhhhh, gobble gobble,
gurgle, burp. Let's go deep sea fishing? See what we can catch with
the Senator's head from the bait bucket? Maybe a shark or a
sailfish?
Which brings us to the humane society: would you prefer toxic gas, or
green sleeping serum. Cute pile of puppies in that there double ply
Glad garbage bag: throw in a few kitty kitties for shitz and grins.
Make them smarter, huh Mr. Lorrey? What do you mean by *them*? The
animals on earth? When the squirrels and chipmunks stop evolving
noise-cancelling filters in their audio cortex systems that
specifically match Pratt & Whitney, Rolls-Royce, and General Electric
turbofan noise pollution, then the human species might be worth
saving. Not to mention the Bambi meets Kenworth on the highway
scene.
It's wonderful that we have all this broadband internet how to make
lethal weapons in your kitchen material online. It'll be fascinating
to see what the machete-weilding tribesmen do with it, between
intervillage massacres. And all that CNN footage of burning cars in
Jerusalem: both sides turned to sawdust is ok by me. But, maybe
that's just because I'm manic-depressive on a moody downward cycle
for a day or two. Fuck it. Charge the flywheels and get Libya,
Lebanon, Iran, Iraq, Israel, and North Korea out of the way.
P.S. Dear Mossad C4 cellphone battery store, Seattle franchise: sorry
about the Israel comment. Be at peace, knowing the United
Technologies and TRW are graciously receiving U.S. tax-dollars so
you, too, will have your own West Bank T.H.E.L. Microsoft Excel state
tables.
-------------------
ken@define.com
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