From: Hagbard Celine (hagbard@ix.netcom.com)
Date: Tue Sep 02 1997 - 18:55:41 MDT
Abraham Moses Genen wrote:
> Dear Eric and other fellow Extropians,
>
> I tend to believe that the glass is half full.
>
> Despite the many seeming doubts of dear Eric (listed below in his
> responses), the universal quality, quantity and integrity of our education
> with intellectual self determination and self-actualization appears to be
> slowly increasing. As it increases, the ability of each individual to
> develop greater cross cultural knowedge, skills and abilities is enhanced.
> Ultimately, a new, expanded and enhanced paradigm is achieved which will
> allow and provide for the individual to understand the complexities of our
> society far more than they are currently capable of.
> At that point the degree of specialization which I refer to will be
> transcended into common understanding thereby providing for greater
> participation in our social and cultural structures.
>
> Enjoy!!!
> AMG
One thing that I have noticed about your style of writing is that you
use the passive voice almost exclusively. Such phrases as "is enhanced,"
"is achieved," and "will be transcended," don't really tell me anything
about what the actor in the sentence is. What does the enhancing? Who
achieves the new "paradigm?" What precipitates the transcension?
Politicans are fond of such constructions since it absolves everyone of
responsibility: "The missiles were launched," "The injections of
radioactive material were administered." etc.
But what irks me most about your writing is how stilted it is.
Sorry to waste everyone's time,
Hagbard
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