From: Michael Lorrey (retroman@tpk.net)
Date: Sun Apr 13 1997 - 15:48:40 MDT
Here's some more humor, on a Microsoft bent:
>>How things would be different if Microsoft was headquartered in
>>the
>> south...
>>
>> 1. Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders.
>>
>> 2. Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle.
>>
>> 3. Occasionally you'd bring up a window that was covered with
>>a
>> Hefty bag and some duck tape.
>>
>> 4. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of "Ahh-right" or "Naw"
>>
>> 5. Instead of "Ta-Da!", the opening sound would be Dueling Banjos
>>
>> 6. The "Recycle Bin" in Winders '95 would be an outhouse
>>
>> 7. Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player you'd hear a digitized
>> drunk redneck trying to sing "Freebird!"
>>
>> 8. Instead of "Start Me Up", the Winders '95 theme song would be
>> "Achy-Breaky Heart"
>>
>> 9. PowerPoint would be named "ParPawnt"
>>
>> 10. Microsoft's programming tools would be "Vizhul Basic" and
>>"Vizhul
>> C++"
>>
>> 11. Winders 95 logo would incorporate the Confederate Flag
>>
>> 12. Microsoft Word would be just that: 1 word
>>
>> 13. Web browsers would look like front porches.
>>
>> 14. New Shutdown WAV: "Y'all come back now, hear?!"
>>
>> 15. Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz"
>>
>> 16. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am
>>
>> 17. Microsoft Office replaced with Micr'sawft Workshed.
>>
>> 18. Four words: Daisy Duke Screen Saver
>>
>> 19. Well, the first thing you know, old Bill's a billionaire......
>>
>> 20. Spreadsheet software would include examples of an inventory of
>> dead cars in your front yard , on cement blocks.
>>
>> 21. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor-Pull Simulator
>>
>> 22. Microsoft CEO: Bubba Gates
--
TANSTAAFL!!!
Michael Lorrey
------------------------------------------------------------
mailto:retroman@tpk.net Inventor of the Lorrey Drive
Agent Lorrey@ThePentagon.com
Silo_1013@ThePentagon.com http://www.tpk.net/~retroman/
Mikey's Animatronic Factory
My Own Nuclear Espionage Agency (MONEA)
MIKEYMAS(tm): The New Internet Holiday
Transhumans of New Hampshire (>HNH)
------------------------------------------------------------
#!/usr/local/bin/perl-0777---export-a-crypto-system-sig-RC4-3-lines-PERL
@k=unpack('C*',pack('H*',shift));for(@t=@s=0..255){$y=($k[$_%@k]+$s[$x=$_
]+$y)%256;&S}$x=$y=0;for(unpack('C*',<>)){$x++;$y=($s[$x%=256]+$y)%256;
&S;print pack(C,$_^=$s[($s[$x]+$s[$y])%256])}sub S{@s[$x,$y]=@s[$y,$x]}
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