HUMOR: Research

From: Enigl@aol.com
Date: Fri Oct 11 1996 - 14:33:16 MDT


 
                         RESEARCH DEFINITIONS
 
 The following phrases, frequently found in technical writings, are
 defined below for your enlightenment. They are adapted from 'A glossary for
 research reports, by C. D. Graham, Jr., which appeared in Metal Progress,
 Vol. 71, No. 5, May. 1957. Graham had evidently read too many scientific
 papers by the time he composed this clever compilation.
 
                         PHRASE
         "it has long been known..."
 
                         DEFINITION
         I haven't bothered to look up the original reference.
 
                         PHRASE
         "Of great theoretical and practical importance..."
 
                         DEFINITION
         Interesting to me.
 
                         PHRASE
         "While it has not been possible to provide definite answears
         to these questions..."
 
                         DEFINITION
         The experiment didn't work out, but I wanted to publish
         anyway.
 
                         PHRASE
         "Extremely high purity"
 
                         DEFINITION
         Composition unknown except for the exaggerated claims of the
         supplier.
 
                         PHRASE
         "Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study."
 
                         DEFINITION
         The results on the others didn't make sense and were ignored.
 
                         PHRASE
         "Accidentally stained during mounting"
 
                         DEFINITION
         Accidentally dropped on the floor.
 
                         PHRASE
         "Handled with extreme care during the experiments"
 
                         DEFINITION
         Not dropped on the floor.
 
                         PHRASE
         "A fiducial reference line on the specimen"
 
                         DEFINITION
         A scratch.
 
                         PHRASE
         "Although some detail have been lost in reproduction, it is
         clear from the original micrograph that..."
 
                         DEFINITION
         It is impossible to tell from the original micrograph.
 
                         PHRASE
         "Typical results are shown"
 
                         DEFINITION
         The best results are shown.
 
                         PHRASE
         "The most reliable data are those Jones..."
 
                         DEFINITION
         Jones was a student of mine.
 
                         PHRASE
         Agreement with the predicted curve is excellent."
 
                         DEFINITION
                                               Fair.
 
                         PHRASE
                                           "...good."
 
                         DEFINITION
                                               Poor.
 
                         PHRASE
                                          "...satisfactory."
 
                         DEFINITION
                                               Doubtful.
 
                         PHRASE
                                          "...fair."
 
                         DEFINITION
                                              Imaginary.
 
                         PHRASE
         "Correct within an order of magnitude"
 
                         DEFINITION
         Wrong.
 
                         PHRASE
         "It is believed that..."
 
                         DEFINITION
         I think...
 
                         PHRASE
         "It is generally believed that..."
 
                         DEFINITION
         A couple of other guys think so too.
 
                         PHRASE
         "It might be argued that..."
 
                         DEFINITION
         I have such a good answer for this objection that I shall now
         raise it.
 
                         PHRASE
         "It is clear that much additional work will be required for a
         complete understanding of..."
 
                         DEFINITION
         I didn't understand it.
 
                         PHRASE
         "Thanks to Joe Glotz for assistance with the experiment, and
         to John Doe for valuable discussions."
 
                         DEFINITION
         Glotz did the work and Doe explained what it meant to me.
 
 
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