From: Mike Lorrey (mlorrey@datamann.com)
Date: Wed Mar 13 2002 - 19:41:47 MST
Picked up via Reuters....
French Intellectuals to be Deployed in Afghanistan to Convince Taliban
of
Non-Existence of God
The clean-up portion of the ground war in Afghanistan heated up
yesterday
when the Allies revealed plans to airdrop a platoon of crack French
existentialist philosophers into the country to destroy the morale of
the
remaining Taliban zealots by proving the non-existence of God.
Elements from the feared Jean-Paul Sartre Brigade, or 'Black Berets',
will
be parachuted into the combat zones to spread doubt, despondency and
existential anomie among the enemy. Hardened by numerous intellectual
battles fought during their long occupation of Paris's Left Bank, their
first action will be to establish a number of sidewalk cafes at
strategic
points near the front lines.
There they will drink coffee and talk animatedly about the absurd nature
of
life and man's lonely isolation in the universe. They will be
accompanied by
a number of heartbreakingly beautiful girlfriends who will further
spread
dismay by sticking their tongues in the philosophers' ears every five
minutes and looking remote and unattainable to everyone else.
Their leader, Colonel Marc-Ange Belmondo, spoke yesterday of his
confidence
in the success of their mission. Sorbonne graduate Belmondo, a very
intense
and unshaven young man in a black pullover, gesticulated wildly and
said,
"The Taliban are caught in a logical fallacy of the most ridiculous.
There
is no God and I can prove it. Take your tongue out of my ear, Juliette,
I am
talking."
Marc-Ange plans to deliver an impassioned thesis on man's nauseating
freedom
of action with special reference to the work of Foucault and the films
of
Alfred Hitchcock.
However, humanitarian agencies have been quick to condemn the operation
as
inhumane, pointing out that the effects of passive smoking from the
Frenchmens' endless Gitanes could wreak a terrible toll on civilians in
the
area.
© 2002 Claude Salhani
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