[p2p-research] beyond "road burn-out" : what is (y)our story ?

[Dante-Gabryell Monson]

Hi All,

I feel like sharing this message with personal views I sent to the nomad
base list,
as it relates to my "road" to the conference in Manchester some of you might
attend this next Tuesday :

http://www.espach.salford.ac.uk/sssi/p2p/

I feel like sharing, potentially enabling a shared reflection on the context
of our lives,
and how such layers of context inter-relate with the intentions we may try
to pursue on this list and in our lives.

"The road" can also be seen symbolically, although in my own experience it
is also made of concrete. ( at least there is one "concrete" thing I know
well ;-)   )

See you , Dante

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Dante-Gabryell Monson <dante.monson at gmail.com>
Date: Sat, Oct 31, 2009 at 12:26 PM
Subject: beyond "road burn-out" : what is (y)our story ?
To: nomadbase at lists.0xb5.org


Dear Friends,

I try to face my fears,
and today my fear is related to going back on the road...

I feel like sharing it here on the nomadbase list, as I feel that it is part
of what motivates my intention to support nomad bases<http://nomadbase.org/>
,.

*Note : For translation to other languages, I suggest using
http://translate.google.com/ to copy/paste and translate.*
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*De : Hinweis: Für die Übersetzung in andere Sprachen lassen, verwende ich
http://translate.google.com/ zum Kopieren / Einfügen und Übersetzen.*
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*Fr : Note: Pour la traduction dans d'autres langues, je suggere d'utiliser
http://translate.google.com/ *
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*Es : Nota: Para la traducción a otros idiomas, sugiero utilizar
http://translate.google.com/ *

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I imagine we all have our personal histories...
And that perhaps some parts of our histories might have elements in common.

I am interested in understanding what your wishes may be, and perhaps how
you feel they relate to your feelings and experiences.

-----

By the way, for those of you that did not meet me ,
a quick introduction of myself on

http://hitchwiki.org/en/Dante

and

http://web.archive.org/web/20070220100438/oikoumene.coforum.net/wikka.php?wakka=DanteProfiles

----------

*Current feeling ;*

I realize that it takes a little time to shift my mind and body in going
back on the road, as it reminds me of states of accumulated exhaustion of
years of isolated traveling , "hitch hiking burn-out's"
, especially after my second year on the road : a form of traveling that I
was not choosing anymore.

Traveling is a condition I want to choose to use towards an objective or
intention,
enabling creation of inter-dependence , discovery of self and the other.

But when there is constant repetition of change in a space feeling void of
potential for inter-dependence and sharing,
staying stuck in a constant non-choice of nothingness and no-where-ness ,
it may loose meaning,
despite nothingness potentially being an interesting spiritual experience
that can be used to overcome insecurity in every moment, and become aware of
our layers of illusions.

At some point of nothingness, I feel a choice can be made to create
inter-dependence, to feel inter-dependence, to reclaim inter-dependence, and
to develop a sense of meaning through creation and shared presence.

-------

*Current situation :*

I was planning to hitch hike to London yesterday, meeting a friend there,
while going on my way to Manchester for a conference (
http://www.espach.salford.ac.uk/sssi/p2p/ )
related to various inter-connected networks / media ecologies such as the
p2pfoundation <http://p2pfoundation.net/> or open
manufacturing<http://www.openmanufacturing.net/>
 ,
revolving around ideas of openness. <http://www.openmanufacturing.net/>

I did not leave Brussels yet, but I will, after writing this message.

I try to set my mind to going back on the road, although it may be only for
a few days.

-----

*History and experiences leading to layers of context :*

I have been back in Brussels, the town where I grew up, for one year.

After being on the road for 5 years, hitch hiking something like 300 000 km
or more ( stopped counting ),
I started developing some kind of hitch hiking overdose.

I do not think the overdose is related to hitch hiking alone, but to the
context around it,
a context that evolved through time.

I ll try to detail it in this message.

---------------------

At first, I was traveling without hitch hiking, attending seminars funded
mostly by EU money, as a "young" delegate of ecologist organizations.

Hitch hiking evolved from there... as an approach to empower meetings beyond
dependency on organizational power structures and funding mechanisms,

and to inspire others in developing such self empowered net-roots approach.

Hitch hiking, at first, was tiring, but exciting at the same time, opening
up new opportunities for keeping faith in building some alternatives
through meeting new people,
while discovering new places and facing myself through new experiences.

My body started to adapt to long distance hitch hiking trips, and my
personal network of contacts grew progressively.

I did not have a stable source of personal income.

In average I lived with 100 euros a month in the first three years,
( through donations of people close to me )
and in the last two years on the road, with in average 200 euros a month,
thanks to friends, especially Cornelia.

Some months I lived with more, some others with less, or no money.

I was trying to find other sources of income, as there was no guarantee at
all that money would be donated to me.
No guaranteed allowance.  And only few potential sources of monetary support
on which I did not like to feel dependent, as many of my friends are in a
similar situation as me ( without, or with very little money ).

I learned to live, as many of us on this list, with very little,
yet realize that reducing my monetary costs was also supported through
moving every few days.

I could not expect from my hosts to feed me, and being a guest usually
lasted the time of what I call "a cup of tea" ( a few - 2 to 4 - days ? ),
the time for many of the hosts I met to satisfy their curiosity.

There was, I feel, also another reason why generally hosting did not last
more then a few days : hosts often have their own imperatives in their
realities, and my presence often re-questioned the sets of relations,
activities and obligations, if not the world view in which often they felt
they had to comply to ,
except for perhaps a few of them that truly could feel they made a choice in
living their lifestyle ( or that where considering making a choice soon ),
and that could feel that by supporting me they where supporting their own
intentions.

I ended up making some very good friends, across europe, some of them being
in a similar situation as me, living a nomadic lifestyle, and even when they
where sedentary, or "semi-nomadic" , often living with very little, if no
money at all.

I am aware that it is possible to live with very little money, and
experienced it myself,
but when it is not in a "nomadic" mode - or "strategy" - , I feel that the
forms of "inter-dependency" enabled through a "dependency" on money,
needs to be replaces by other forms of inter-dependence and organization,
such as "where can I find markets to dumpster dive", "where can I cook",
where can I sleep, etc
( sites such as http://trashwiki.org , or hospitality networks to a certain
extent, especially in nomad mode ,
can provide certain answers )

But it is very tiring to be isolated, even when using such tools such as
hospitality networks,
as most of the time is spent in uncertainty and in a wandering mode.

Hence the importance for me of networks of friends.  People that can get to
know each other, and build relations between each other.  And the importance
for places which can support such self organized forms of organization.

Certain existing squats may be such places.  Ecovillages too.

Yet for reasons we may discuss more in detail at a later stage, it did not
fully satisfy my deeper intentions.

For example, I do not want to live in illegality ( what concerns squats,
even if I support the idea of reclaiming space - but not with violence ),
and I do not want to live all the time in remote places ( even though I
enjoy it during certain periods ) or in communities which in many cases
close themselves on themselves and that in some cases develop collectivist
cultures ( what concerns, for example, certain ecovillages ).

I did not want to be in an environment with power structures emerging, and
ego's fighting with each other...
I try to find ways for inter-dependence through cooperative individualism...
enabling the emergence of a distributed approach and participation into
creative small scale open production infrastructures" ...

Infrastructures which can be ( but need not be ) temporary, can be
reproduced, re-mixed, and need not be proprietary.

A "commons" enabling inter-dependence between cooperative individualists.

For the moment, my main experience of such kind of physical commons seems to
be the streets...
I try to be receptive to the people that pass by, and learned to connect
with individuals with whom I feel some kind of resonance, this enabling me
to create new friendships ...

-----

But I still lack the feeling of "a home", or more precisely, places where I
know I can come back to , unconditionally, and where I know friends are
waiting for me.

-----

I realized that often access to inter-dependency, including access to money,
is dependent on "recognition" that is given to us.

By moving constantly such recognition giving access to increased
inter-dependence can be difficult to build up.

What I did have access to was a form of inter-dependency empowered by
curiosity I could satisfy in the first days,
or inter-dependency from intentional networks of friends that I try to build
up.

After 5 years, I was tired of moving all the time, and felt I could try to
come back to Brussels,
despite not having the support of my family ( not having a family home to
come back to )

----

Coming back to Brussels in my mind was part of an approach of trying to
re-build a stronger local network of friends, through which shared synergies
of inter-dependency could be built,
and hopefully, through time, facilitated through increased recognition,
potentially also leading to building up prototype infrastructures enabling
greater autonomy in reclaiming inter-dependency, at a systemic level.

---

So anyway,
I tried to come back to Brussels earlier, but without success, as I could
not find enough people to host me on a long period of time.

My second attempt, last summer, worked better, especially thanks to a new
friend Jean-Francois, who hosted me for 3 months at hes place in St Gilles /
Brussels,
enough time to try to rebuild some new network of friends in Brussels,
which could host me.

I have been living such a local nomadic life for one year now, with more
stability,
and at some point, with a little more money, as I could apply for support
from social services, getting some 480 euros a month for 5 or 6 months, till
they cut it as they did not believe I was "sans domicile fixe".

My relation with my mother improved over the last year.
It was hard for my mother to accept that I lived such a life.
Hard for her to understand why I choose such a life, instead of going into
the labor market.

I guess this is another discussion - personally I know that I can become
depressed if I do not do what is meaningful for me.

----

It is still challenging, for any close relation I make, to keep my presence
when I feel their expectations and ego's are reacting to an alternative
approach, as it leads them to re-question their own actions, lifestyle, and
perception of inter-dependency, especially when they feel I may be dependent
on them.

I know I bring a lot to the friends I make, and to the ones that have been
offering me some shelter,
but such value is often difficult to recognize, as it is in most cases non
material.

I also know I can together with others create much more through building up
new forms of "more autonomous" inter-dependency,
and thats what I continue, year after year, in keeping faith in.

This process, which includes writing this email to this list, and connecting
with the great work and intentions many of you here pursue,
helps me a lot towards keeping faith in life.

I know that nomadbases can be one piece of the puzzle in enabling such faith
in reclaiming our inter-dependency and offering prototypes which can be
reproduced by many more people, without using violence, further developing a
ahimsa <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ahimsa> approach , by Satyagraha (
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satyagraha - in german :
http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satyagraha ) ,
and the self organization of our time and space (
http://p2pfoundation.net/Festivalism )

Cordially

Dante
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