I think my PI hates me.
I need to send that abstract.
I am writing the abstract.
I haven't written the abstract.
I haven't seen my PI in like a week.
You know, I can just do consulting.
You know, I hear you make more money being a garbage man.
I could never be a PI.
Should have gone to med school.
If you help me, I'll put you on the paper.
Can I get Saturday off?
Grant submitted.
Paper submitted.
The grant got rejected.
Can I defend with just one aim done?
That's definitely a Nature paper.
I'm writing that up and it will be submitted soon.
The paper got rejected.
The paper was rejected.
Is there free food at that seminar?
I think I'll be done in 2 years.
I think I'll be done in 4 years.
I think I'll be done in 6 years.
I hope they kick me out.
Blah, I'm going to quit.
Blah, why won't they just kick me out.
Yeah, but his project was so easy.
My project sucks.
It's contaminated.
I think using the laser is making me sterile.
Nobody is even going to read this paper.
You know they keep the mice in better conditions than us.
Yeah, that's a really good question. I don't know, but I'll have to look into that.
Yeah, I don't know.
Yeah, I'm a 4th year. No wait, I'm a 6th year.
If I write this paper, then maybe I can use that as my thesis?
So, there's this really good conference in Spain that I want to attend.
Yeah, it's significant.
It's not really significant, but there's definitely a trend.
If I break my arm, do I still have to present tomorrow?
I have to read all these articles.
Yeah, I couldn't repeat that.
Yeah, it should take me about 2 days.
Actually, I didn't do that part, it was already here when I joined the lab.
Yeah, it's the new grad student's fault.
I think I'd like to try to write the paper myself.
I'm glad you brought that up, I'm going to do that right now.
Am I going to be first author?
Yeah, but his PI wrote his dissertation.
Nobody has tried this before.
People have tried that, but it doesn't seem to work.
I don't remember the paper, but someone definitely did that.
Yeah, I read the paper, I just don't remember the details.
I remember the paper, I just don't remember the details.
Why did I go to grad school?
Friends don't let friends go to super school.
Uh, interesting question.
The culture got contaminated.
Who the hell stole my pipette?
Someone stole my pipette.
Who used the last of the buffer?
The protocol is wrong.
Dude, you contaminated my experiment.
Who used the last of the growth medium?
I lost my pipette.
Who's in charge of the master mix?
The gel is streaking.
Where did you put the revisions to the paper?
Who has the latest version of the paper?
Someone's sitting at my bench space.
Can I get my own desk?
I think the centrifuge is broken.
That's the control group, right?
I have to order new primers.
Wasn't there a paper about that?
Can I take a nap yet?
Dropped my sample.
We were out of the right dye, so I just used an equivalent.
When is he back from sabbatical?
I forgot to make a control group.
The fluorescent microscope is broken.
The lab meeting was cancelled.
No, you can't borrow my pipette.
Sorry for wasting your time.
I have this really good idea. I just can't get it to work.
Don't even ask how my research is going.
I am busy researching.
I wasn't able to find any references.
That's beyond the scope of my research.
I feel like you don't completely comprehend the scope of this work.
That remains an open question.
Future work will focus on that.
My experiment was working a second ago, but now it doesn't even work.
I don't think our fume hood is safe.
I'm only doing this to get tenure.
I had to remind my professor who I was today.
I don't think my PI remembers me.
Yeah, there's a clear trend.
Sorry about that.
Hey, does anyone have an extra undergrad?
Guys, where are my samples?
Where did you put my samples?
Yeah, but that was only a sample size of one.
Sorry, I can't really talk right now because I'm burried in grant writing.
Well, I can't really talk about it because I'm trying to get it published in Science or Nature.
Can I get some more media?
Are there any of those hamster ovaries left?
She keeps talking about her Nature paper, but she was only third author.
Well, that paper was actually retracted.
Seriously, who moved my samples?
I think more research is required.
You don't happen to have any more virgin flies, do you?
Who got mustard on my cell culture?
Am I going to get honors on this rotation?
I think I have ebola.
Okay, someone really needs to do the lab dishes.
I'll need to pull an all-nighter.
Who's doing journal club today?
This laproscopic camera is so easy to use.
Sure, I'd love to switch into colorectal.
Who took my stethoscope?
Coffee? Never tried it.
Let's pour a bunch of chemlights into a spinner flask and claim it's luminescent e.coli.
Did you do that pset?
I just finished my pset two days early.
Did you see that hack?
Let's have a pset party.
The real reason I wanted to join this lab was because I love to clean glassware.
We simply don't do enough titrations in my lab.
Non-binding electrons are completely useless, they should just leave.
The smell of e.coli is so very rewarding.
I am completely satisfied with the size of my bench space.
Are you published?
Can I borrow some sulphuric acid?
How many papers do you have published?
Is that published?
I did so much qPCR today.
Where did all my bands go?
Should I still be wearing gloves?
Should this be on ice?
Should I be reading this?
Have you read this paper?
Does this look contaminated to you?
Should I be doing this in the fume hood?
Where's my pellets?
Where are the pipettes?
Where are the thermometers?
Where are the hot plates?
Sure, I've been spending a lot of time at a pub.... well, pubmed at least.
I think our octopus might be smarter than me.
Don't mess with me, I'm a world pipetting champion 14 years running.
Don't phage me, bro.
Yeah, I'll be sure to snore that science lamp right away.
Yeah, that's a reasonable explanation.
Do I use a one or two sided t-test for that?
So, people always joke about that, but I feel like weaving baskets underwater would not be the easiest thing in the world.
I don't know whether I am Turing dreaming that I am a machine, or a machine dreaming that I am Turing!
I am kind of curious what he has a Ph.D. in, I can't really find this anywhere, it could be underwater basket weaving for all I know.
Oh man, that's a great scrabble word. I got to write that down.
I.. I don't think this chart is accurate.
Nope, that's not even remotely possible.
Wow, I'm definitely not including this data in the paper.
Well, it looks better if you see it through a UV scope.
You can't guarantee that.
Well, you can't guarantee that.
There's no way to know for sure.
Hey, that could be your research project.
So, I'll let you have my reagents when I'm done with my project.
That's definitely not repeatable.
That result wasn't repeatable.
How does crap like that even get published?
Hah, look at figure 6. That's definitely a little weird.
His lab is so awkward.
What do you mean this isn't going to work?
I'm working on a paper, I need to be left alone.
Do you have references for that?
I don't know what to tell you, I thought I would have graduated by now.
Haha, undergrads.
Heh, undergrads.
No, you definitely have a right to your own opinion. I just.. wish you wouldn't voice it.
Yeah, I'm just looking for a journal that will take that paper.
Oh yeah, I'll pay you once my stipend posts.
Whatever, I'm really dating school anyway.
Do I have to go through the IRB for that?
I don't know, I think that's kind of problematic.
Oh, that's problematic.
I really like him, but some of his work is really problematic.
Oh that's interesting, do you want to write a paper together?
Hey, let's write a paper about that.
None of my experiments are working.
None of this data makes sense.
Hey, I got 100% yield! Oh wait, no.
Huh, this western worked on the first try.
It's statistically significant.
The autoclave smells really good.
Yeah, I'm familiar with the technique. Sort of.
Oh great, my paper got accepted with no revisions. Nice.
Oh a sales rep? No, I'm not busy, sure I have time to talk.
My labview crashed.
Well, the IRB rejected that, so I'm going to rewrite it and try again.
They're not recording lectures so now I have to go to class every day.
May I ask what formula did you use?
Which calculator do you need? I have a TI-83 and a TI-84.
You used the wrong formula.
Did you order the carbon nanotubes yet?
No no no no! Use your key commands!
If I was your endoplasmic reticulum, would you want me smooth or would you want me rough?
Yeah, but biobricks don't even work.
That's not really surprising since they did it ex vivo.
These findings indicate that extensive genetic engineering of human hematopoiesis can be achieved with lentiviral vectors.
I don't have enough data to form a hypothesis.
That's definitely a Cell paper.
Wasn't that a Nature paper?
Argh, what do you mean you don't accept LaTeX submissions??
Man, if only I could biopsy his organs.
I'll be at the microscope.
Yeah, it's definitely impractical and fairly non-elegant at the same time.
None of my p-values are significant so I'm gonna write 15 pages on how that's important to ecology.
What the hell is up with these indecisive transcription factors?
Still haven't cured cancer.
Guys, I just cured cancer.
I think I just cured cancer. Wow.
The freezer was too cold and fucked up my sample DNA.
Got halfway through figuring out all the cell signalling molecules in psoriasis when the cells died and the data couldn't be replicated, so psoriasis is really hard to cure guys don't get it
I was searching for a new particle that alters gene expression, didn't find it, but didn't refute it's existence either. But then some other asshole professor at another school found it.
The results of my study indicate that the climate is about to get really weird.
My study reveals that people are awesome at memorizing insecure passwords.
My PI went fishing in 1987 for proteins associated with cancer. He hasn't returned yet.
Sigh, my invasive fruit flies won’t have sex for me.
I think my e.coli culture got friendzoned.
Cancer: still not cured.
It's a social construct.
The thing about this particular theory is that it's excellent at predicting ethnic conflicts which have already happened.
Once you go Markov, you never go Bach.
My code doesn't work. I have no idea why...
My code works. I have no idea why...
Oh yeah, isn't that already a part on the biobrick registry?
I think there's a biobrick for that.
Hood life: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=296519020495014
Do you really think that's DNA you're pipetting now? https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=133424610137790
Fluorescent colonies? Guess my project just got the green light.
My matlab crashed.
MOTHERFUCKER OUR PAPER JUST GOT LEAKED