From: Oracle Service Humor Archives <humour-list-request@synapse.net>
To:
Subject: HUM: Bill of No Rights (***1/2)
Date: Saturday, November 09, 1996 10:52 PM
Bill of No Rights
By Lewis W. Napper
Bill of No Rights
We, the sensible of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get
along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our
nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of
debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren,
hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense
guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden delusional, and other
liberal, commie, pinko bedwetters.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of people were
confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of
No Rights.
You do not have the right to a new car, big-screen color TV or any other
form of wealth.
More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is
guaranteeing anything.
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on
freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may
leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but
the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a
screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool
manufacturer to make you and all of your relatives independently wealthy.
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the
most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need,
but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation
of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation
of another generation of professional couch potatoes.
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but
from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public
health care.
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap,
rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest
of us get together and kill you.
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob,cheat,
or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised
if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you
still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.
You do not have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in
foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive
governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if
you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do
not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little
tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.
You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have one,
and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take
advantage of the opportunities in education and vocational training laid
before you to make yourself useful.
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you
have the right to pursue happiness -- which, by the way, is a lot easier
if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by
those around you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
Copyright #169; Lewis W. Napper. All Rights Reserved.
napper@teclink.net
http://oscar.teclink.net/~napper
Posted to the Oracle Service Humor Mailing List with permission of the
author.