SONG: The Kick-Ass Future

Eliezer S. Yudkowsky (sentience@pobox.com)
Sun, 14 Feb 1999 21:17:19 -0600

Well, I'm back from Capricon XIX, and it's now definite: Sleep deprivation produces transhumanist music. This is the second time in a row I've written a song during a con.

This is to the tune of "Santa's Gonna Kick Your Ass" from "Christmas Turkey" by "The Arrogant Worms". (Part of it, anyway - in mine, each chorus sounds like the first one.) It is no coincidence that this song is rattled off in one of the fastest voices I've ever heard. If you don't know the tune, you're missing half the fun. Sadly, I haven't found any MIDI or MP3 of it... not that I'm suggesting anyone should violate copyrights.

The original lyrics may be found at:
http://www.fortunecity.com/tinpan/harrison/375/xtlyrics.html

CHORUS:

	Future's comin' and it's gonna
	Kick your ass
	It's gonna
	Kick your ass
	It's gonna
	Kick your ass
	Future's comin' and it's gonna
	Kick your ass
	You think you know what's comin' but you're wrong

Nanotech is comin' and it's gonna
Grant you longevity
Bring you prosperity
Build you a brewery
Nanotech is comin' and it's gonna
Create your paradise
And then it's gonna turn it into goo

CHORUS:

Neurohackers comin' gonna
Pump your mentality
Choose your specialty
Cure gullibility
Neurohackers comin' gonna
Light up the pleasure center
At least we know that this part will be fun

CHORUS:

AIs comin' and they're gonna
Replace humanity
Outlaw biology
No organic chemistry
AIs comin' and they're gonna
Take over Terra
Until the Y2K bug shuts 'em down

CHORUS:

Transhumans comin' and they're gonna
Advance technology
Avert catastrophe
Do a Singularity
Transhumans comin' and they're gonna
Be inscrutable
'Cause you can't understand their point of view

CHORUS:

Powers comin' and they're gonna
Make like a deity
Transcend mortality
Control the galaxy
Powers comin' and they're gonna
Be real powerful
But please don't ask me what they do or why

CHORUS:

Omega Point is comin' gonna
Rewrite reality
Outshine divinity
Count to infinity
Omega Point is comin' gonna
Resurrect your in-laws
And then our saga and my song is done

-- 

Obviously, the problem is humorless nano-optimists.

--
        sentience@pobox.com         Eliezer S. Yudkowsky
         http://pobox.com/~sentience/AI_design.temp.html
          http://pobox.com/~sentience/sing_analysis.html
Disclaimer:  Unless otherwise specified, I'm not telling you
everything I think I know.