From: Patrick Wilken (patrickw@cs.monash.edu.au)
Date: Thu Aug 12 1999 - 07:16:31 MDT
I constantly see these 'how do I unsubscribe' messages on various mailing
lists. The instructions below were kindly forwarded to another list I was
on. They do work. Best of luck implementing them.
ciao, patrick
>This is what you need to do. Please read these instructions carefully
>before beginning.
>
>Tools needed: one hammer, one screwdriver, one pair of pliers, one
>heavy-duty pair of wire cutters, one bucket of saline water, a box of
>sani-wipes.
>
>Step #1: Stop payment on any checks that you may have sent to your
>Internet Service Provider (GOD).
>
>Step #2: If GOD is unresponsive and you are still receiving mail from this
>list, you will need to find the "mailhost". This is a machine usually
>located in a locked office. Every day around noon, the mailman will
>deliver a box of diskettes with that day's mail messages, including yours
>from this list, to this machine. Typically, only a handful of people have
>keys to the "mailhost". The reason why this machine is locked up is
>because this is typically the best, fastest, most powerful computer at
>your facility and the people with keys don't want to share it. If you
>must, break or pry the door down with one (1) hammer (you did get all the
>tools needed?).
>
>Step #3: Find the ON/OFF switch for this machine. Using the pliers, set
>the switch to the OFF position by tugging downwards until the disposable
>plastic switch breaks away from the computer casing. Discard the
>disposable plastic switch in an environmental-friendly manner. This will
>alert the mailman to not deliver the diskettes with the messages to the
>"mailhost" not unlike the little red flag found on mailboxes. This should
>resolve your mail problem immediately.
>
>Step #4: You may experience a recurrence of mail within 72 hours.
>If this should happen, you will need to disable the "mailhost" once again
>with more forceful measures. Repeat Step #2. Don't be suprised if there
>is a sturdier door in place than the one you destroyed previously. This
>is due to the fact that the "Have Key" clique found out that someone has
>seen their private stash of computer equipment.
>
>Step #5: After you have once again regained entry into the
>"mailhost" room, open up the back of the "mailhost". There may be a
>large tv-like device on top of the "mailhost" You will need to remove
>this first. Take your wire cutters, and cut any cables binding the
>tv-like device to the "mailhost". Set the tv-like device to the side.
>With your screwdriver, remove each and every screw that you can find on
>the "mailhost". Once this is done, the "mailhost" should break away into
>two or more pieces.
>
>Step #5: Find a large box with a fan attached to it. It will be clearly
>marked with the following labels: "Danger" "High Voltage" "Do not open -
>no user-servicable parts". Don't worry, these labels are merely in place
>to satisfy OSHA requirements and you are not in any danger at all. Take
>the bucket of saline water and pour it into any vents or ports that the
>large box may have. Any extra water should be poured directly into the
>computer chassis, be sure to properly soak each and every component.
>
>Step #6: In the event of fire (OSHA has been known to be right on
>occassion), douse any flames with the sani-wipes.
>
>This solution is provided without warranty. It is not bio-degradable or
>fat-free. In the event of sudden death, contact a physician immediately.
>
>
>Cheers
>John
>--
> _--_|\ John Lamp MACS, School of Management Information Systems
>/ \ Deakin University, Waurn Ponds, Geelong Victoria 3217
>\_.--._/ Room: GD21-1 Phone:03 5227 2110 mailto:John.Lamp@deakin.edu.au
> v Fax: 03 5227 2151 http://mis.deakin.edu.au/pages/staff/jlamp.htm
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Patrick Wilken
Editor: PSYCHE: An International Journal of Research on Consciousness
Board Member: The Association for the Scientific Study of Consciousness
http://psyche.cs.monash.edu.au/ http://www.phil.vt.edu/ASSC/
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