From: Damien Broderick (damien@ariel.ucs.unimelb.edu.au)
Date: Mon Dec 28 1998 - 03:37:55 MST
Belatedly (but perhaps still timely in some other relativistic Frame of
Reference), I thought people might like to learn about a remarkable new
Santa theory posted on another list by Carol Ryles, who wrote:
==========================
SANTA CLAUS: A Quantum Perspective.
Santa knows better than to consult engineers. He is after all, the ‘stuff
of dreams’ so he knows how to use the ‘dreams of stuff’ to his own
advantage.
Think of Santa as a kind of thought experiment – like Schrödinger’s cat or
Schrödinger’s dog (I would have liked to have seen the puppies), or even .
. . Schrödinger’s catalyst. (Put your guns away now – I haven’t finished).
Think of Santa’s sleigh as a sealed box. Inside is every possible toy, all
superimposed. The box is controlled by a navigation device, directed
towards each of the [many hundreds of millions of] possible homes. The
outcome of course, is
controlled by radioactive decay.
Unless someone observes (unlikely at the North Pole), Santa’s box (sleigh)
will only have to reach one household, while all the other superimposed
boxes with their superposed contents will reach the others. It has to work
. . . provided no child looks – which they won’t because they’re either
asleep or pretending to be.
Now, Christmas morning gets tricky. According to Schrödinger (and common
sense) only one box and one present can exist once observed. But Santa
figured a way around that one long before Kip Thorne started worrying about
“Quantum non-demolition.” Except Santa’s version works in reverse (Quantum
demolition?). I know it’s not quite what the theorists had in mind, but
Santa’s a lot older than even the oldest of them. He knows more . . . How
else do you think he can exist in all those department stores at the same
time?
===========
I was driven to comment:
At 06:11 PM 12/23/98 +0800, the suitably-seasonally-named Carol wrote:
>Think of Santa’s sleigh as a sealed box. Inside is every possible toy, all
>superimposed. The box is controlled by a navigation device, directed
>towards each of the 188 million possible homes. The outcome of course, is
>controlled by radioactive decay.
This is an astounding discovery. It finally explains why the
grey aliens have been so concerned since the 1950s about all
the nuclear testing on Earth. I never really believed that this would
unsettle the Cosmic Balance, but I now realise that the prevalence of
radioactive fallout in our skies must have screwed up Santa's wave function
big time. All across the universe, sad little alien and hybrid children
weep to see their empty stockings, now that every present intended for the
entire cosmos arrives here on Earth amid a blizzard of falling
radionuclides. (I suppose you've noticed the vastly increased number of
toys in recent years? Mere coincidence? I think not.)
Damien Broderick
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