From: Amara Graps (amara@amara.com)
Date: Sat Jul 20 2002 - 02:51:16 MDT
Ah grasshopper :-), do you realize that you are pursuing the oldest and
noblest activity of Man? To seek, to understand, and to know yourself.
Sehkenenra Thu Jul 18, 2002 12:47 pm:
>After I left the abbey, I felt confused. I'd gone there looking for
>answers- I had told myself that I was going to become a monk, and that
>I wouldn't leave until I truly understood myself.
Seeking answers from without for questions from within? What would be
evidence for you that you truly understand yourself? (These are
rhetorical questions, mind you.)
>But I decided the life of a monk wasn't for me. [...] It was that it
>felt like I would be leaving all my dreams behind if I pursued the
>monastic life, and that was something I couldn't do.
Yes, Never EVER forget your dreams. Strive to be as a child. The
universe is yours with which to explore, to learn, to grow. Children are
the greatest dreamers of all, seeing the universe as a vast playground
and everything is clear and everything is possible. Children yearn for
everything that they would like to see happen in their lives. Your most
important obligation as an adult is to follow your dreams. Your
happiness will leak into your local environment, which will leak into
the larger environment, and then into the larger-still environment and so
on. The soul of the world is nourished by people's happiness.
I think that one can be a monk and not leave their dreams behind.
Perhaps we should define monk? One of my best friends is a Zen Buddhist
'monk'. She is also a PhD atmospheric chemist advising congress critters
in Washington D.C. about the Earth's atmosphere. Her Buddhist training
took place over a long period of time at a Zen center in Palo Alto. Her
work life, striving to make the Earth a healthier place, and her
spiritual life are integrated in a rare and beautiful way. I've learned
a great deal from her.
>Instead, after only a few days, I was departing, even more empty and
>confused than before. I had found a path to profound peace and contented
>emptiness- but this wasn't what I was looking for.
I think that you're from the "Instant" Generation. :-)
I don't believe 'One Path' exists for an individual, much less for
groups of individuals. Growing our true selves, following our life path,
is a process:
---------------------------------------------
oops oops
/ \ / \ /oops
/ \ / \ / \
\--- |-----\ / \---
\ /
\ /
oops
---------------------------------------------
Failures and mistakes are an integral part of living and growing and
taking risks. Yes, sometimes, it's excruciatingly hard to know if one
is following in the right path of being true to oneself. So you try. You
seek.
When you explore your inner world, some fragile things emerge that
simply 'seem right'. Hang onto those fragile things! They are the
essence of you, telling you stories about yourself. But what about the
external world? You are deeply embedded in the flow of life and humanity
in time and space. Observe. Think. Listen. Plan. Apply. There _is_ a
niche for you in the external universe to make your valuable and
important contributions. You try to express and apply your dreams.
_This_ is the Grand Adventure through our hearts and through our lives.
After we've faced our inner Abysses and made friends with ourselves
there, then weaving the fabric of the interface between our internal and
our external universes will be one of your most difficult activities.
>I was looking for empowerment. I had a glimpse of eternity while
>standing in front of the stupa of Jiyu-Kennet Roshi, contemplating the
>lines of her death poem- and it both scared and exhilerated me.
About 'Inside'
Ultimately each of us are alone, no matter who is around us outside
giving us love and support. One must learn the value of facing one's own
Abyss. Here you learn to sit and have a quiet tea in order to learn how
not to run away from ourselves. The Abyss is a terrifying freefall place
where one sees that there is no support outside of oneself. And the
Abyss provides the framework with which we can grow our true selves.
[I've read in other places that while in the Abyss one faces one's fear
of death, and that that fear is the largest driving force for pushing
ourselves to do great things in Life. I'm still digesting that, and
seeing if it makes sense. I would rather be motivated by pleasures than
by fears, but perhaps in humans' present-day evolution, we are still
physically not built enough that way.]
>What I've really wanted to do is become a hero. I want to actually
>contribute something to the evolution of humanity.
These two don't necessarily go together ....
By the way, do you carry what Anders has called the Lone Crusader meme?
If so, give it some thought. Your fellow (trans)humans are valuable
creatures in your quest while flowing the stream of life. They can give
you psychological support, connectedness, strength, warmth. It is still
up to you, alone to discover and follow your destiny, but your fellow
creatures can give your life a richness and added dimensions that you
might not be able to imagine now. I suggest to be open to that
possibility.
And one last thing:
Don't forget to laugh.
Amara
"I peeled down to the high-topped tennis shoes and clumped off to
the river with the dirty dishes. Alone and content among the
trees at the water's edge, I stood like Daphne, bewitched there
in the forest. Daphne, ha! Where's Apollo, you dirty, salty female?
I knelt by the pool and scrubbed, composing a derisive haiku, as did
Basho and Issa in Japan long ago.
Goddess by the stream
Tall, bare, proud ... laughs at dreams, and
Squats to wash the pots." [
[Audrey Sutherland _Paddling My Own Canoe_]
-- ******************************************************************** Amara Graps, PhD email: amara@amara.com Computational Physics vita: ftp://ftp.amara.com/pub/resume.txt Multiplex Answers URL: http://www.amara.com/ ******************************************************************** "Dare to be naive." -- Buckminster Fuller
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