From: Spike Jones (spike66@attglobal.net)
Date: Sat Dec 22 2001 - 23:59:48 MST
Spike Jones wrote:
> "You know Joseph, I think I like that name better than Hoerkheimer."
To those who posted me offlist regarding the newtonmas story,
thank you very much, you are too kind.
As perhaps the only extropian with formal theological training,
I shall deem myself qualified to present a short lesson in the
history of religion. For those who are offended by such
things, I request forgiveness in advance.
Asking forgiveness in advance of actually committing the
sin has historical precedent. Back in the 15 century, the
christian church decided to raise money by selling indulgences,
that is, if the sinner should pay a certain amount they
could purchase a certificate of forgiveness, signed by the
Big Guy Himself, (the pope). It was a kind of 15th century
version of the modern slay-an-infidel-in-exchange-for-72-
houris caper.
Near the end of a particularly successful day of sales,
the indulgence-selling priests were approached by three
men who wished to purchase forgiveness for a sin they
had not yet committed. They explained that they wished
to rob a well-armed enemy, and wished to purchase
forgiveness in advance, for they might perish in the attempt.
The priests discussed the unusual request, decided it
made perfect sense, and sold the permission to commit
armed robbery.
The priests packed up their money box and headed
back to their parish, but were soon accosted by the
three men to whom they had just sold and indulgences,
brandishing weapons and demanding the loot. Weighed
heavily with the chest filled with gold, the reprehensible
thieves (the bandits that is, not the priests) did not get far.
The local authorities soon apprehended them, and they
were hauled before the local magistrate, who demanded
one good reason why they should not be immediately
slain. They produced the pardon, signed by His Holiness
himself. They were released.
>From this historical precedent, I ask permission to commit
blasphemy, and be forgiven, before I even make up the
particular impiety. Your indulgence in this matter is
greatly appreciated. spike
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