From: Robert J. Bradbury (bradbury@aeiveos.com)
Date: Mon Dec 10 2001 - 12:44:50 MST
On Mon, 10 Dec 2001, Dossy wrote:
> My interpretations ... [snip]
Pretty much correct.
> In that same vein, if your girlfriend (or wife, whatever
> the case may be) told you that she was "carrying your child"
> and you had doubts, and you felt you had no reasons to doubt
> her, but later on found out (through testing) that you were
> not the actual biological parent of the child, then what would
> you do? Would it matter? Suppose you'd spent the last N years
> raising the child as though he/she were your own.
I think Mike has addressed the complexity of dealing with this.
How I would happen to deal with it would depend where I am
located, how much trust had been built up in the relationship and
the type of lifestyle agreed upon (monogamous, polyamorous, etc.)
that could contribute to whether I would "need to know". With
the right individual I would probably be quite content to father
the child even if it were not mine. So my internal reasoning
is more for the purpose of constraining internal agents (based
on strong beliefs) rather than wrestling with potential betrayals.
> Jealousy definitely appears (feels?) to be something that comes
> about from inclusion/exclusion.
Its a fundamental problem that human's (naturally) fear for their
survival. I spent several hours Saturday listening to a tear filled
converstion with a female friend where the fundamental problem
ultimately came down to a trust issue involving potential betrayal
where the root cause was feeling "unsafe". I think at least some
women have a "pre-traumatic stress syndrome" involved with fear
of betrayal and disertion by their partners. Not dissimilar to what
many of us have felt post-911 (worrying about our safety or survival).
I suspect the "gut" reaction mentioned by Amara is tied into
our fundamental fight-or-flight response depending to a large
degree on the extent to which you have built a mental framework
where happiness ~= having a partner ~= feeling safe ~= increased ability
to survive (or increase ones children's chances for survival).
The minute you have entombed your happiness/survival in another
individual its a recipe for strong reactions the minute they
begin to exhibit behaviors that might threaten the status quo.
Exclusion potentially threatens safety (you don't get to share
the fire, meat, etc.) so the development of potential alliances,
dalliances, etc. where you are not fully aware of what is occurring
seem likely to raise red flags as well.
Robert
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