From: Eugene.Leitl@lrz.uni-muenchen.de
Date: Wed Jun 20 2001 - 17:27:21 MDT
-------- Original Message --------
From: Bill Humphries <bill@whump.com>
Subject: Fwd: [HUMOR] I Am the Very Model of a Modern Libertarian
To: Ford overides RanK <fork@xent.com>
Okay, I found this one amusing...
Begin forwarded message:
>
> ----- Forwarded message -----
>
> I Am the Very Model of a Modern Libertarian
> by Kim Plofker
>
> [With apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan, and also to one Lollius.
> Note: In order to avoid the infringement of individual rights by
> imposing
> totalitarian ideals of harmony, the soloist and choristers may sing
> each in
> his or her own tempo, tune, and key.]
>
>
> I am the very model of a modern Libertarian:
> I teem with glowing notions for proposals millenarian,
> I've nothing but contempt for ideologies collectivist
> (My own ideas of social good tend more toward the Objectivist).
> You see, I've just discovered, by my intellectual bravery,
> That civic obligations are all tantamount to slavery;
> And thus that ancient pastime, viz., complaining of taxation,
> Assumes the glorious aspect of a war for liberation!
>
> [Chorus:]
> You really must admit it's a delightful revelation:
> To bitch about your taxes is to fight for liberation!
>
> I bolster up my claims with lucubrations rather risible
> About the Founding Fathers and the market's hand invisible;
> In fact, my slight acquaintance with the fountainhead Pierian
> Makes me the very model of a modern Libertarian!
>
> [Chorus:]
> His very slight acquaintance with the fountainhead Pierian
> Makes him the very model of a modern Libertarian!
>
> All "public wealth" is robbery, we never will accede to it;
> You have no rights in anything if you can't show your deed to it.
> (But don't fear repossession by our Amerind minority:
> Those treaties aren't valid -- Uncle Sam had no authority!)
> We realize whales and wolves and moose find wilderness quite vital,
> And we'll give back their habitats -- if they can prove their title.
> But people like unspoiled lands (we too will say "hooray" for them),
> So we have faith that someone else will freely choose to pay for them.
>
> [Chorus:]
> Yes, when the parks are auctioned it will be a lucky day for them --
> We're confident that someone else will freely choose to pay for them!
>
> We'll guard the health of nature by self-interest most astute:
> Since pollution is destructive, no one ever will pollute.
> Thus factories will safeguard our communities riparian --
> I am the very model of a modern Libertarian!
>
> [Chorus:]
> Yes, factories will safeguard our communities riparian,
> He is the very model of a modern Libertarian!
>
> In short, when I can tell why individual consumers
> Know best who should approve their drugs and who should treat their
> tumors;
> Why civilized existence in its intricate confusion
> Will be simple and straightforward, absent government intrusion;
> Why markets cannot err within the system I've described,
> Why poor folk won't be bullied and why rich folk won't be bribed,
> And why all vast inequities of power and position
> Will vanish when I wave my wand and utter "COMPETITION!" --
>
> [Chorus:]
> He's so much more exciting than a common politician,
> Inequities will vanish when he hollers "Competition!"
>
> -- And why my lofty rhetoric and arguments meticulous
> Inspire shouts of laughter and the hearty cry, "Ridiculous!",
> And why my social theories all seem so pre-Sumerian --
> I'll be the very model of a modern Libertarian!
>
> [Chorus:]
> His novel social theories all seem so pre-Sumerian --
> He is the very model of a modern Libertarian!
>
> ----- End forwarded message -----
---- Bill Humphries <bill@whump.com> http://www.whump.com/moreLikeThis/ http://xent.com/mailman/listinfo/fork
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