From: Doug Skrecky (oberon@vcn.bc.ca)
Date: Sat Jul 01 2000 - 14:09:26 MDT
> > This appeared in the current issue of Australian Aviation Magazine
(June 2000?)...../with an addition for online entertainment
> >
> > RULES OF THE AIR/Rules of life
> >
> > 1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
> > /Every birth is optional. Every death is mandatory.
> > 2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull
> > the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling
> > the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
> > /If you push the greaseberger forward, your death get bigger.
/If you pull the greaseburger back, it gets smaller.
> > 3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
> > /Being born isn't dangerous. Dieing is what's dangerous.
> > 4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than
> > up there wishing you were down here.
> > /It's always better to be down at the hospital entrance wishing you
/you were inside than inside wishing you were at the entrance.
> > 5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
> > /The ONLY time you have too much food is when you're having a
/heart attack.
> > 6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to
> > keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot
> > start sweating.
> > /The heart is just a big pump in the front of the chest. When it
/stops you can actually watch the body start sweating.
> > 7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided
> > with the sky.
> > /When in doubt, hold your breath. No one has ever suffocated
/while having a lung full of air.
> > 8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great'
> > landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
> > /A 'good' life is one you are still walking in.
/A 'great' life is one others want to walk in.
> > 9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to
> > make all of them yourself.
> > /Don't drive into brick walls.
> > 10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power
> > to taxi to the ramp.
> > /You know you're still alive if you can still taxi to the ramp.
> > 11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the
> > angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of
> > survival and vice versa.
> > /The probability of survival is inversely propertional to the
/amount of couch time. Large amounts of couch time, small
/probability of survival and visa versa.
> > 12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get
> > to five minutes earlier.
> > /Never let a car take you somehwere your brain didn't get to
/five seconds earlier.
> > 13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking
> > about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction.
> > Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide
> > out in clouds.
> > /Keep your mind out of clouds....
> > 14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the
> > number of take offs you've made.
> > /Always try to keep the numbers of sleeps you make equal to the
/number of wake ups you've made.
> > 15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing.
> > Unfortunately no one knows what they are.
> > /There are three simple rules for having a smooth life.
/Unfortunaely no one knows what these are either.
> > 16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of
> > experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you
> > empty the bag of luck.
> >
> > 17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels
> > them.
> > /Stomachs can't stay above the belt; they're just so ugly the
/earth repels them.
> > 18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going
> > round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the
> > passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.
> > /Ditto for buses.
> > 19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going
> > hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour,
> > the ground has yet to lose.
> > /Except for a heavily armoured personel carrier.
> > 20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the
> > experience usually comes from bad judgment.
> >
> > 21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as
> > much as possible.
> > /If your nose is buried in the ground, that's a bad sign.
> > 22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.
> > /Like a stop sign.
> > 23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And
> > it's not subject to repeal.
> > /Remember, inertia...
> > 24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above
> > you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.
> > /The three most useless things to a person are the earth above
/you, the life behind you, and a tenth of a eulogy ago.
With apologies to pilots everywhere.
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