Mike Lorrey's One-Track Holy Jihad

From: Joe Dees (joedees@addall.com)
Date: Sun Jun 25 2000 - 22:17:16 MDT

('binary' encoding is not supported, stored as-is)      Well, well now! I figured if I just laid low for awhile, that Mikey's Take-No-Prisoners and Permit-No-Other-Discussion stance in pursuit of his perpetual goal to morph this list into another NRA e-mouthpiece would have people reconsidering my opposition to such sick, twisted and demented hijinx as indeed the Sweet Voice of Reason on the issue. His goal is Guns, Guns and NOTHING BUT GUNS! It's what he firstbthinks about when he wakes up, his last waking thought at night, and what populates his dreams. He has a crack-pipe devotion to the topic. Once you discount (and it was done so here with verve and elan) his Looney drive, it's really all he has to say. Let's codify Mikey's gun position:
     1) All aircraft must be built with bulletproof fuselages so that the passengers may all remain armed; ditto for any other means of conveyance, public and private. You must be packing to ride.
     2) Tax dollars should purchase millions upon millions of high-powered semiautomatic pistols, preferably Glocks, Macs and Tec-9's, and jack-booted government thugs should drive through all neighborhoods, urban and rural (concentrating on high-crime areas where they need them most), and toss out bubble-wrapped pieces with loaded clips (say, hollow-point) for all and sundry, kinda like Mardi Gras, but especially in the poorer areas, where the residents have a hard time affording "a gun of their own."
     3) All school children should be mandatorily armed, and instead of the '50's and '60's under-the-desk nuke drills, they should be taught the same techniques to avoid crossfire (desktops must also be made bulletproof, to provide protection and strategic fortification for sniping purposes). The same policies should be followed in churches, fast (and slow) food restaurants, mental institutions, and any and every other public building. If you wish to enter such a building and you lack a gun, one must be issued to you prior to entry (for your personal protection, of course).
     4) All apparel must be constructed of kevlar, and everyone must wear Muslim chadors, to discourage G. Gordon Liddy type head shots.

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