From: John M Grigg (starman125@mailcity.com)
Date: Thu Jun 15 2000 - 13:02:44 MDT
Natasha,
I got a big kick out of the "questionnaire" you shared with us. It was a little sacrilegious but then I am among Extropians here! ;) Questions one and four made me smile the most and also step back and ponder why people do things(including me).
I sent a copy to my younger brother(24) who will I'm sure really love it. And I actually TOOK the test and the results are below. Was I supposed to? :)
God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.
Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.
1. How did you find out about God?
__ Newspaper
__ Other Book
__ Television
__ Divine Inspiration
_X_ Word of mouth
__ Near Death Experience
__ Tabloid
__ Burning Shrubbery
_X_ Bible
__ Torah
__ who?
_X_ Other (specify): _Two of your employees visited me____________
2. Which model God did you acquire?
__ Yahweh
__ Father, Son & Holy Ghost Triplet Bundle
__ Jehovah
__ Jesus
__ Allah
__ Satan
__ God
_X_ Elohim
__ None of the above, I was taken in by a false god
__ don't know what you're talking about.
3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working
order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?
__ Yes _X_ No
If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here: Catholicism
4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a god?
Please check all that apply.
_X_ Indoctrinated by parents
__ Needed a reason to live
_X_ Indoctrinated by society
_X_ Needed focus in whom to despise
__ Imaginary friend grew up
__ Hate to think for myself
_X_ Wanted to meet girls/boys
_X_ Fear of death
__ Wanted to piss off parents
_X_ Needed a day away from work
_X_ Desperate need for certainty
__ Like Organ Music
__ Need to feel Morally Superior
__ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it
__ don't know
5. Have you ever worshiped a God before? Is so, which false god were
you fooled by? Please check all that apply.
__ Odin
__ Cthulhu
__ Zeus
_X_ The Almighty Dollar
__ Apollo
__ Left Wing Liberalism
__ The Radical Right
__ Ra
__ Barney T.B.P.D.
__ The great Spirit
__ The Great Pumpkin
__ The Sun
__ Bill Clinton
__ Ronald Reagan
_X_ Cindy Crawford
__ The Moon
__ A burning cabbage
__ drugs
__ Other: ________________
6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition
to God? Please check all that apply.
__ Tarot
__ Lottery
__ Astrology
_X_ Television
__ Fortune cookies
__ Ann Landers
__ Psychic Friends Network
__ Dianetics
__ Palmistry
__ Playboy and/or Playgirl
_X_ Self-help books
_X_ Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll(sadly, just the third)
__ Biorhythms
__ Alcohol
__ Bill Clinton
__ Tea Leaves
__ EST
__ Mantras
__ Jimmy Swaggert
__ Crystals (not including Crystal Gayle)
__ Human Sacrifice
__ Pyramids
__ Wandering around a desert
_X_ Insurance policies
__ Burning Shrubbery
__ Barney T.B.P.D.
__ Barney Fife
__ Other:_sweepstakes____________________
__ None
7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the
balanced level of felt presence and blind faith.
Which would you prefer (circle one)?
(a.) More Divine Intervention
b. Less Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
d. Don't know...what's Divine Intervention?
8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and
miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the
following (1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent):
a. Disasters:
flood (1) 2 3 4 5
famine (1) 2 3 4 5
earthquake (1) 2 3 4 5
war 1 2 (3) 4 5
pestilence (1) 2 3 4 5
plague (1) 2 3 4 5
SPAM 1 2 (3) 4 5
AOL 1 2 3 4 (5)
b. Miracles:
rescues 1 2 (3) 4 5
spontaneous remissions 1 2 3 (4) 5
stars hovering over towns (1) 2 3 4 5
crying statues (1) 2 3 4 5
water changing to wine 1 (2) 3 4 5
walking on water 1 2 3 4 (5)
VCRs that set their own clocks (1) 2 3 4 5
Saddam Hussein still alive (1) 2 3 4 5
getting any sex whatsoever 1 2 3 4 (5)
9. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary): Yes, what is your email address?
If you are able to complete the questionnaire and return it to one of our conveniently located drop-off boxes by August 30 you will be entered in the One Free Miracle of Your Choice drawing (chances of winning are approx. 1x10^256, depending on number of beings entered).
Send FREE Greetings for Father's Day--or any day!
Click here: http://www.whowhere.lycos.com/redirects/fathers_day.rdct
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